Maria Aber15 lessons from Liz Burbo. Heal the traumas that keep you from being happy, loved and rich.

Healing traumas and transforming masks Liz Burbo Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself

Liz Burbo Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself

Chapter 7: Healing Trauma and Transforming Masks

The style depends on the type of mask speech and voice:

A rigid person's speech is somewhat mechanical and restrained.

The controller has a loud, booming voice.

Each type has its own dance style:

The fugitive doesn't like dancing. If he dances, his movements are minimal and inexpressive; he does not want to be noticed. It seems to say: “Don’t look at me for too long.”

The addict prefers contact dances, in which there is the opportunity to cuddle up to a partner. Sometimes it seems that he is hanging on his partner. His whole being radiates: “Look how my partner loves me.”

A masochist always dances willingly and a lot, taking the opportunity to express his sensuality. He dances for the pure pleasure of dancing. His whole appearance says: “Look how sensual I can be.”

The controller needs a lot of space. He loves to dance and uses it to seduce. But above all, this is an opportunity for him to show himself. The call comes from him: “Look at me.”

Rigid dances very well, feels the rhythm, despite some stiffness and inflexibility of his legs. He is very attentive and tries not to lose his rhythm. He attends dance courses more often than others. The most rigid ones stand out as serious, stand very straight and seem to be counting their dance steps. They seem to say with their appearance: “Look how well I dance.”

Which automobile you prefer? The following characteristics will tell you which of your subpersonalities determines your choice:

The fugitive loves unobtrusive cars of dull color.

An addict prefers cars that are comfortable and not like everyone else’s.

The masochist chooses a small, cramped car that barely fits in.

The controller buys a powerful, noticeable car

Rigid prefers a classic, working, durable car - he wants to get full value for his money.

You can apply these characteristics to other purchases, as well as to the way you dress.

The way a person is sitting, shows what happens in his soul when he speaks or listens:

The fugitive shrinks, trying to take up as little space as possible in the chair. He loves to tuck his legs under himself: when he is not connected to the ground, it is easier to escape.

The addict crawls in the chair or leans on a support - on the armrest or on the back of the neighboring chair. The upper part of the body is tilted forward.

The masochist sits with his legs spread. In most cases, he chooses a place that is not suitable for him, and therefore feels uncomfortable.

The controller sits leaning back with his entire body and crossing his arms as he listens. Having taken the floor, he leans forward to look more convincing in the eyes of his interlocutor.

Rigid sits completely straight. At the same time, he can move his legs and position his entire body strictly symmetrically, which further emphasizes his rigid posture. Sometimes he crosses his legs or arms when he doesn’t want to feel what’s happening.

Many times during conversations, I noticed how my guest changes his posture depending on what is happening in his mind. I will describe, for example, a person with traumas of injustice and abandonment.

When he tells me about his life problems, his body relaxes, his shoulders slump slightly - he is experiencing his abandonment trauma. A few minutes later, when I ask a question about a topic that he doesn't want to touch, his body straightens, his whole body becomes rigid, and he tells me that he is fine in this area.

The same thing happens with his speech - the manner of speaking can change several times during the conversation.

You can give any number of such examples. I am sure that in a few months you yourself, observing your own behavior and physical signs, will easily recognize which mask you put on and at what moment, what fear is hiding behind this mask. It will be just as easy for you to recognize and decipher the masks of those around you.

I discovered another very interesting fact related to fears. Have you already noticed that I always indicate the strongest fear inherent in every character type. So, I became convinced that each wearer of a certain mask is not aware of his fear, but those around him can easily see what exactly he is trying to avoid at all costs.

The fugitive's greatest fear is panic . He cannot properly realize this because he hides, disappears as soon as he begins to panic, or even before it begins. Those around you see panic without difficulty - it is almost always your eyes that give it away.

The addict's biggest fear is loneliness. . He doesn't see this because he always arranges himself to be in someone else's company. If he still finds himself alone, then, of course, he admits that he is alone; but at the same time he does not notice how feverishly he is looking for something to do, something to fill his time.

When there is no physical partner, the telephone and TV replace his company. It is much easier for his loved ones to notice and feel this great fear of loneliness even when surrounded by people. His sad eyes also give him away.

The masochist's greatest fear is freedom. . He does not consider and does not feel free due to the many restrictions and obligations that he himself came up with. On the other hand, he seems completely free to those around him, because he usually finds the means and time to do what he decides to do.

He doesn't look at others when making a decision. Even if what he decides constrains him, in the eyes of other people he has complete freedom to change his mind if he just wants to. His eyes are wide open to the world, showing great interest in everything and a desire to experience as many different experiences as possible.

The controller's greatest fear is separation and renunciation. . He does not notice how intensely he himself creates problems and conflict situations, as a result of which he excludes further communication with individuals. By creating and attracting situations to himself in which he renounces someone every time, he at the same time does not see that he is afraid of these situations.

Rather, on the contrary, he assures himself that these breaks and renunciations are beneficial for him. He thinks that in this way he does not allow himself to be fooled or used. His sociability and willingness to meet new people prevent him from realizing how many people he has cut out of his life.

Others see it much better. And his eyes give him away too. When he gets angry, they become tough and even instill fear, which can alienate many from him.

Rigid people are most afraid of coldness . It is difficult for him to recognize coldness, because he considers himself a sincere, warm person who does everything to ensure that harmony and justice reign around him. As a rule, he is loyal to his friends. N

Those around him often notice his own coldness, not so much in his eyes, but in his dry, harsh behavior, especially when he believes that he is being unfairly accused of something.

First stepto heal trauma - confession And Adoption her; this, however, does not at all mean approval and consent to its existence. Accepting means looking at it, observing it, not forgetting at the same time that a person lives in order to resolve problems that have not yet been resolved.

If something hurts you, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

When you managed to create a mask so as not to suffer, it was a heroic act, a feat of self-love. This mask helped you survive and adapt to the family environment that you yourself chose before you incarnated.

The real reason we are born into a certain family or are attracted to people with the same trauma as us is that, from the very beginning, we like others to be like us. That is, we turn out to be no worse than others. But time passes, and we begin to notice the shortcomings of others, we no longer accept them for who they are.

And we try to change them without realizing that what we do not accept from others is part of ourselves, but we do not want to see it, because we are afraid of the need for change. We think that we will have to change ourselves, when in reality we should heal ourselves.

This is why knowing your own traumas is so beneficial: it allows you to focus on healing them rather than trying to change yourself. Don't forget, too, that each of these traumas was formed as a result of the accumulation of experiences from many previous lives, so it is not surprising that you have a difficult time coming to terms with your trauma in this particular life.

In previous lives you did not succeed in this, so you should not expect that the problem will be easily resolved with a simple wish: “I want to get well.” Moreover, the will and determination to heal your traumas are only the first steps towards compassion, patience and tolerance towards yourself.

At the same time, you will develop the same attitude towards other people; these will be the main fruits of your healing work. I know that when reading the previous chapters you discovered corresponding traumas in your loved ones; it probably helped you understand their behavior better and therefore be more tolerant of them.

As I've warned before, don't get too hung up on the words used to define trauma or masks. You may, for example, experience the trauma of being rejected and feel betrayed, abandoned, humiliated, or a victim of injustice. Someone may treat you unfairly and this will make you feel rejected, humiliated, betrayed or abandoned.

As you see, It’s not the experience itself that’s important, but how you feel the experience. This is why, when it comes to pinpointing an injury, one must look to the physical body characteristics before looking at the behavioral characteristics. The body never lies. It reflects what is happening on the emotional and mental planes.

I know that many people are increasingly turning to cosmetic surgery to improve certain features of their physical body. In my opinion, they are playing a cruel joke on themselves: if the injury cannot be detected by physical signs, this does not mean that it has been healed. Many of those who have used the services of aesthetic surgery have been very disappointed when, two or three years later, what they so wanted to remove or hide reappeared.

By the way, it is for this reason that aesthetic surgery specialists never give a lifetime guarantee on their work. On the other hand, if you truly love yourself and correct your body through surgical means, while at the same time continuing to work emotionally, mentally and spiritually on your injuries, then there is a very high probability that your body will better accept surgical help and it will will be beneficial for him.

Many people play cruel jokes with their physical body, but there are even more who do themselves a disservice at the level of behavior and internal attitudes. In my “Character and Trauma” seminar, the following episodes regularly repeat: I describe injuries in great detail, some participants clearly see one of the injuries in themselves, and their body just as clearly shows another.

For example, I remember a young (about thirty years old) man who said that from very early childhood he had been experiencing the trauma of being rejected. He suffered from a lack of stable, secure relationships, which he believed was due to numerous instances of rejection. Meanwhile, his physical body showed no signs of being rejected. Finally I asked him: “Are you sure you are experiencing the suffering of being rejected and not a sense of injustice?”

I then explained to him that his body was most likely showing the trauma of injustice. He was very surprised. I suggested that he take his time and think about it for a while. When I met him a week later, he enthusiastically told me that during this time a lot had become clearer, and he now realized that, of course, he was suffering from the trauma of injustice.

This example is typical. The ego does everything it can to prevent us from seeing our true traumas. It believes that once we touch these injuries, we will not be able to control the pain associated with them. It also persuaded us to create masks for ourselves to help avoid this pain.

The ego always thinks it has found the easiest path, but in fact it only makes life more difficult for us. When life is controlled by awareness, at first it requires some effort from us and seems difficult, but in fact, awareness greatly simplifies our life.

The longer we wait to heal our traumas, the deeper they become. Every time we experience a situation that awakens and opens our wound, we add a new area to this wound. The wound grows; the more serious it is, the stronger the fear of touching it.

A vicious circle is formed, which can turn into an obsessive state: it seems to us that everyone is trying to cause us suffering. Rigid, for example, sees injustice at every turn, and his reaction is to become obsessed with perfection. A pronounced fugitive feels rejected by everyone and himself, convinces himself that no one will ever love him again, etc.

Acknowledging our own traumas has the important benefit of finally starting to look in the right direction. Before this, our actions resembled the behavior of a patient who is looking for a good cardiologist, when in fact he has impaired liver function.

Likewise, that young person who considers himself rejected may spend years trying unsuccessfully to heal the trauma of the rejected person; and only by touching his true trauma, he gets the opportunity to identify his problem and begin to treat the real disease.

I want to emphasize here that wearing the mask of an addict and suffering from emotional dependence are not the same thing. Individuals with the trauma of abandonment and, accordingly, the mask of a dependent do not necessarily suffer from emotional hunger.

Why is that? Because we become emotionally dependent when we suffer from emotional hunger, and we suffer from emotional hunger when we don’t love ourselves enough.

And in this case, we seek the love of other people in order to convince ourselves that we are worthy of love, that we can be loved. Any mask appears precisely to show us that we are preventing ourselves from being ourselves because we do not love ourselves enough. Don’t forget that any behavior associated with one mask or another means a reaction, not self-love.

The trauma of being rejected is experienced with a same-sex parent . That is, the fugitive feels rejected by people of the same sex as himself. He blames them for rejecting him and feels more anger towards them than towards himself.

On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left him.

The trauma of abandonment is experienced with a parent of the opposite sex . That is, the addict tends to believe that he has been abandoned by people of the opposite sex, and blames them more than himself.

If he experiences the experience of abandonment with a person of the same sex, he blames himself, because he believes that he did not show enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that a given person of his sex has abandoned him, but in fact it has rejected him.

The trauma of humiliation is usually experienced with the mother , regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist is inclined to experience humiliation from females. He usually blames them. If he experiences the trauma of humiliation with a male person, he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude towards this person.

He can also experience this trauma with his father, if he is engaged in his physical education, teaches the child to maintain cleanliness, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then you just have to apply what has been said to the male or female version.

The trauma of betrayal is experienced with a parent of the opposite sex . That is, the controller usually believes that he has been betrayed by people of the opposite sex, and tends to blame them for his suffering or emotions. If he experiences the trauma of betrayal with a person of the same sex, he blames himself mainly and is angry with himself for failing to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner.

It is very likely that what he perceives as betrayal by people of his own sex is in fact an experience that activated his trauma of injustice.

The trauma of injustice is experienced with a same-sex parent . That is, the rigid person suffers from injustice on the part of people of his own sex and accuses them of injustice towards him. If he experiences a situation that he considers unfair with a person of the opposite sex, then he blames not this person, but rather himself - for injustice or impropriety.

It is very likely that this experience of injustice with a person of the opposite sex is actually caused by betrayal. Severe suffering can even drive him into destructive rage.

The more suffering these injuries cause, the more justified and human it is to be angry at the parent we hold responsible for them. Later we transfer this bitterness and hatred to people of the same sex as the parent whom we blame for our suffering!

It is quite natural, for example, that a boy hates his father if he constantly feels that he is rejecting him. Then he will transfer this hatred to other men or to his own son - and will feel that he, too, rejects him.

We are angry at this parent - unconsciously - also because he has the same trauma as we do. That is, he becomes in our eyes a model, an example of a person with this trauma, thereby obliging us to look at ourselves. And we, generally speaking, would like to see a different model, although we usually do not realize this.

This is what explains our desire not to be in any way like our parents. It is unpleasant for us to see our reflection in them. Trauma cannot be healed except through true forgiveness of one's parents and oneself.

On the other hand, when any of the five traumas are experienced with someone of a different gender than the parent we hold responsible for our trauma, then we become angry with ourselves.

It is during such periods that we tend to punish ourselves, using an accident or any other means of physical harm.

It is human nature to believe in punishment as a means of atonement for guilt. In fact, the spiritual law of love states just the opposite. The more guilty we consider ourselves, the more we punish ourselves - and the more inevitably we attract the same situation to ourselves.

In other words, the more self-blame, the higher the likelihood of experiencing the same suffering again. This feeling of guilt prevents a person from forgiving himself and thereby taking a decisive step towards healing.

In addition to guilt, we very often experience shame - when we blame ourselves for hurting someone, or when others blame us for the suffering they caused. I spoke in more detail about shame in the chapter devoted to the trauma of humiliation, since shame is most clearly manifested in a masochist.

However, every person in one situation or another has to experience a feeling of shame. This feeling is especially intense when we do not want to admit that we are causing others suffering that we ourselves would not want to experience.

In cases where serious crime or violence is committed, it must be remembered that the offender has his own injuries that cause him such pain that he loses control of himself.

That's why I often say: There are no evil people in this world, there are only those who suffer . This is not about forgiving such people, but we need to learn to have compassion for them. Blaming and punishing them will not help them.

Even if we remain unconvinced, we can sympathize with them. This makes it easier for us to recognize our own traumas and the traumas of others.

According to my observations, cases where a person suffers from only one injury are quite rare. As for me, I have already mentioned that I have two main traumas that I must heal in this life - injustice and betrayal. I experience the trauma of injustice with people of my own sex and the trauma of betrayal with people of the opposite sex.

Since injustice was experienced with my mother, I notice that when I experience this emotion in connection with a female person, I blame her for the injustice. When injustice comes from a male representative, I am more inclined to self-blame and feel angry at myself. Sometimes I'm even ashamed. It also happens to me that I perceive injustice on the part of a man as betrayal.

And in my body, as in the body of everyone who suffers from these two traumas, you can see the masks of control and rigidity.

I also noticed that many people have a combination of two other traumas - abandonment and rejection. They wear the masks of the addict and the fugitive, respectively. Sometimes the upper body shows signs of one injury, while the lower body shows signs of another.

In children, there is a difference between the right and left sides. With practice, it becomes easier and easier to identify masks by eye over time. When we trust our own intuition, our “inner eye” distinguishes them instantly.

When a person's body matches the mask of the controller, but at the same time sag slightly and appears loose, or you notice the eyes of the addict, you can consider that he is suffering from the traumas of the betrayed and abandoned.

Of course, other combinations are possible. Someone can stand out with the voluminous body of a masochist and at the same time the straight, rigid posture of a rigid person. This points to two traumas - humiliation and injustice.

People with the large body of a masochist and the small legs and ankles of a fugitive suffer the trauma of being humiliated and rejected.

Three, four, or even all five injuries are possible in one person. In this case, usually one of the injuries dominates, while the others are less noticeable, but they can be minor and that’s all. If one of the masks dominates, it means that the person uses it for protection more often than others. If the mask appears occasionally and briefly, this means that the person feels the trauma associated with it weakly. If one mask dominates, it does not follow that it reflects the most important of the traumas.

Indeed, we always try to hide those injuries that cause us the greatest suffering. I have already said in previous chapters that we create a mask of rigidity (injustice) and a mask of control (betrayal) as masks of control and strength in order to cover up the trauma of the rejected, abandoned or humiliated. This power allows you to hide what causes the most excruciating pain.

This is why so often one of these traumas only manifests itself with age: control has its limits. The rigid mask, due to its controlling nature, is more capable than others of covering up other trauma. A rigid masochist, for example, can control his weight for a long time; when the strength to control runs out, he will begin to gain weight.

The soul that came to Earth to heal the trauma of betrayal is looking for a parent of the opposite sex who is strong, strong, knows how to take his place, does not lose control and is not too emotional. At the same time, the controller wants this parent to be sensitive and understanding, so that he can be trusted, so that he meets all expectations - then he, the controller, will not feel abandoned and betrayed.

If this parent now shows indifference, the child will feel abandoned; if the parent shows weakness in something or cannot be trusted, the child will perceive this as a betrayal. If the parent of the opposite sex is too domineering, aggressive or rude, between them (during the child’s adolescence) a relationship is most often established from a position of strength, which feeds the trauma of betrayal in both.

Man is a great expert at finding good reasons and explanations when his body begins to change. He can be understood - he is not ready and does not want to look at himself, and it is especially difficult for him to come to terms with the idea that the human body has such wisdom.

He does not want to agree that every - even barely noticeable - change in the physical body is a signal that draws his attention to something that is happening in his soul, but which he does not want to see at that moment.

If only a person would understand that when the body decides to draw his attention to one of the internal processes, then in fact it is his inner GOD who has decided to use the physical body to help him realize that he already has everything he needs to resist what he is so afraid! And yet we are afraid to open our wounds and continue to wear masks to cover them, preferring to believe that these wounds will someday disappear on their own.

Remember: we only put on our masks when we are afraid of suffering, afraid of opening the wound that we think the mask is protecting. All the behaviors described in previous chapters are used only in situations where we are wearing masks. Once the mask is on, we are no longer ourselves. We learn behavior that matches the mask we wear.

The ideal would be to learn to quickly recognize the mask we are wearing so we can immediately identify the trauma we are trying to hide, without criticizing or judging ourselves. You may be the one who changes your mask several times throughout the day, or you may leave it on for months or even years before another injury resurfaces.

The moment you realize this, be happy that your injury was noticed, and be grateful to the occasion or person who touched the wound, for this touch allows you to see that the wound has not yet healed. But at least you already know about it. And thereby you give yourself the right to be a human being.

It is especially important to give yourself time—to give yourself permission to have the time you need to heal. When you can regularly say to yourself, “Well, I put on such and such a mask, and that’s why I react in such and such a way,” then your healing will be in full swing.

I repeat, I have never met a person who exhibited all of the listed signs of a particular injury. A full description of each character is provided to help you recognize yourself through some of the behaviors associated with your trauma.

Now I will briefly remind you how you can notice that you (or another person) is wearing a mask.

rejected, you put on the mask of a fugitive. This mask makes you want to leave the situation or people because of which you think you will be rejected; you are afraid of panic and feelings of powerlessness.

This mask can also convince you to become as invisible as possible, to withdraw into yourself and not say or do anything that would encourage others to reject you. This mask makes you believe that you are not an important being enough to occupy the place you occupy, that you do not have the right to exist in the fullness in which others exist.

When your trauma activates abandoned, you put on the mask of an addict. It makes you like a small child who seeks and demands attention - you cry, complain and submit to everything and everyone, because you do not believe that you are able to act on your own.

This mask forces you to resort to various tricks so that you are not left alone or so that they pay more attention to you. She may even convince you to get sick or become a victim of some circumstances in order to get the support and help that you so crave.

When Trauma Activates humiliation, you put on the mask of a masochist. It allows you to forget your own needs and think only of others in order to become a good, generous person, always ready to provide services even beyond your capabilities.

You also manage to put on your back the chores and responsibilities of those who usually neglect them, and you do this even before they ask you about it. You do everything to be useful so as not to feel humiliated.

Thus, you manage to never be free - this is very important to you. Whenever your behavior or your actions are motivated by fear of shame for yourself or fear of humiliation, this is a sign for you that you have put on the mask of a masochist.

Experiencing Trauma betrayal, you put on a controlling mask that makes you distrustful, skeptical, cautious, domineering and intolerant - all this is due to your expectations. You do everything to show that you are a strong person, and you won’t allow someone to fool you or use you so easily, much less decide for you - rather, everything will be the other way around.

This mask forces you to be cunning, even to the point of lying, just so as not to lose your reputation as a strong man. You forget your own needs and make every effort to make others think that you are a reliable person and can be trusted. In addition, this mask requires maintaining ostentatious self-confidence, even when you do not trust yourself and doubt your own decisions and actions.

When your trauma activates injustice, you put on a mask of rigidity, which imparts coldness, harshness, and dryness to your movements and tone of voice. The body also becomes as rigid and rigid as the behavior.

This mask forces you to strive for perfection everywhere, and in connection with this you often experience anger, impatience, criticize and reproach yourself. You are overly demanding and do not take into account your own limitations. Every time you control yourself, hold yourself back, even be cruel to yourself, this should serve as a sign that you have put on your mask of rigidity.

We put on a mask not only when we are afraid to experience trauma in connection with someone or are afraid to see that we ourselves are causing someone to experience trauma. We always do this either out of a desire to be loved or out of fear of losing someone's love. We internalize behavior that is not true to who we are. We become someone else . Since the behavior dictated by the mask requires some effort from us, we accordingly have expectations regarding other people.

The source of our well-being should be what we ourselves are and what we do, and not the praise, gratitude, appreciation and support from other people.

Do not forget, however, what tricks the ego is capable of when it distracts you from the awareness of your traumas. The ego is convinced that if you become aware of them and eliminate them, you will remain defenseless and suffer. Each of the five characters allows themselves to be fooled by their own ego in their own way:

The fugitive convinces himself that he is seriously engaged with himself and other people - so as not to constantly feel like he is being rejected.

A dependent person loves to pretend to be independent and tell everyone who wants to listen to him that he is very happy alone and that he doesn’t need anyone else.

The masochist convinces himself that everything he does for others gives him the greatest pleasure and that in this way he truly satisfies his own needs. He is unparalleled in his ability to say and think that everything is going great, and to find any explanations and excuses for people and situations that have humiliated him.

The controller is sure that he never lies, that he always keeps his word and that he is not afraid of anyone or anything.

Rigid loves to tell everyone how fair he is and how bright and problem-free his life is; he wants to believe that he has many friends who love him for who he is.

Mental trauma must be treated, just like physical trauma. Have you ever had to constantly pick at a hated pimple on your face in the hope of getting rid of it quickly? And what is the result? And the fact that, thanks to your efforts, the pimple lived much longer than it should have. This happens whenever we don't trust the healing powers of our own body.

In order for a problem (whatever type it may be) to disappear, you must first accept it and give it unconditional love, and not drive it away. Your deep emotional traumas also need you to recognize them, love them and accept them.

Let me remind you that loving unconditionally means accepting, even if you disagree, even if you don’t understand the reasons.

Loving injuries, loving pimples on your own face means, therefore, agreeing that you yourself created them, and not by accident, but to help yourself. Instead of eradicating acne, you should use it to become aware of some part of yourself that you don't want to see.

After all, in fact, these pimples are trying to attract your attention, to make you understand, among other things, that at present you are apparently afraid of “losing face” in some situation and that this is preventing you from being yourself.

If you adopt this new internal attitude, you will look at your acne completely differently, won’t you? You may even feel grateful to them. By making this decision, choosing to experience a new mental attitude, you can be sure that your acne will disappear faster because it will receive love and appreciation for its useful mission.

What should you take? First of all, the fact that everything that you fear from others or for which you reproach them, you yourself inflict on others, and especially on yourself.

Here are examples of how you can sometimes harm yourself.

Suffering from trauma rejected strengthens this trauma every time he calls himself insignificant, when he believes that he means nothing in the lives of other people, when he avoids a certain situation.

Suffering from trauma abandoned This trauma intensifies whenever he gives up something important to him, when he allows himself to fall, when he doesn’t take care of himself enough and doesn’t give himself the necessary attention. He frightens others by clinging too intensely to them, and thus ensures that they leave and he is left alone again. He causes a lot of suffering to his body, creating diseases in it to attract attention.

Suffering from trauma humiliation strengthens this trauma whenever he humiliates himself, when he compares himself with others and downplays his merits, when he accuses himself of rudeness, unkindness, lack of will, opportunism, etc. He humiliates himself with clothes that do not suit him and which he always wears. gets dirty.

He makes his body suffer by giving it so much food that it is impossible to digest and assimilate it. He causes himself suffering by taking on other people's responsibilities and depriving himself of freedom and necessary personal time.

Suffering from injury betrayal strengthens this trauma every time he lies to himself, when he instills false truths in himself, when he breaks his obligations towards himself. He punishes himself when he does all the work himself: he does not dare to entrust this work to others, because he does not trust them. He is so busy controlling and checking what others are doing that he has no time for himself.

Suffering from injury injustice strengthens this trauma by being excessively demanding of oneself. He does not take into account his limitations and often creates stressful situations for himself. He is unfair to himself because he is too self-critical and has difficulty noticing his positive qualities and work results. He suffers when he sees only what has not been done or the shortcomings of what has been done. He suffers because he does not know how to give himself pleasure.

I talked above about how important it is to accept your injuries. undoubtedly. It is equally important to accept the masks that you have allowed your ego to create to cover up these traumas and to reduce suffering.

To love and accept trauma means to acknowledge it, to understand that you came to Earth in order to heal this particular trauma, and to accept your ego’s attempt to protect you.

Finally, also thank yourself for the courage with which you created and maintained the mask that helped you survive.

But today this mask is more likely to harm you than help you. It's time to decide that you can survive even with injury. You are no longer that little child who was unable to bandage his wound. You are now an adult, you have experience and your own mature vision of life, and from now on you intend to love yourself more.

In the first chapter, I mentioned that when we create trauma for ourselves, we go through four stages.

On first stage we are ourselves.

Secondstage - a feeling of pain when we discover that we cannot be ourselves, because this does not suit the adults around us. Unfortunately, adults do not understand that the child is trying to discover himself, to find out who he is, and instead of allowing him to be himself, they mainly instill in him what he should be.

Thirdstage - rebellion against the suffering experienced. At this stage, the child begins to have crises and resistance to parents.

Laststage - capitulation, giving up positions: a decision is made to create a mask for yourself so as not to disappoint others, and most importantly - so as not to relive again and again the suffering that arises due to the fact that you are not accepted for who you are.

Healing will be accomplished when you go through all four stages in reverse order, starting with the fourth and ending with the first, where you become yourself again. And the first step in this journey back is to become aware of the mask you are wearing. The five previous chapters will help you understand it, each of which is devoted to a separate injury.

The second stage is a feeling of indignation, rebellion when reading these chapters, unwillingness to admit one’s responsibility, the desire to blame others for one’s suffering. Tell yourself in this case that it is completely human to resist when you discover something in yourself that you don’t love. Everyone experiences this stage in their own way.

For some, rebellion and resistance take on distinct, vibrant forms, while others tolerate it more calmly. The intensity of indignation and rebellion depends on your openness, readiness to accept, as well as the depth of the trauma during the period when you begin to realize everything that is happening in you.

At the third stage, you must give yourself the right to the suffering you have experienced and to anger towards one or both parents. As you relive the suffering you experienced as a child, you will be imbued with more empathy and compassion for the child in you, the deeper and more seriously you go through this stage.

At this stage, you should leave your anger at your parents and gain compassion for their suffering.

Finally, in the fourth stage, you become yourself and stop believing that you still need your protective masks. You take it for granted that your life will be filled with experiences that serve to learn what is beneficial for you and what is harmful.

That's what it is self love. Since love has great healing and inspiring power, prepare for various changes in your life - both at the level of relationships with other people and at the level of your physical body.

Remember: loving yourself means giving yourself the right to be who you are at the moment. Loving yourself means accepting yourself, even if you do to others what you reproach them for. Love has nothing to do with what you do or what you have.

Characteristics of Rejected Trauma:
Awakening Trauma: from the moment of conception to one year; with same-sex parent. Doesn't feel the right to exist.

Mask: fugitive.

Parent: same sex.

Body: compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.

Eyes: small, with an expression of fear; impression of a mask around the eyes.

Dictionary: “nothing”, “nobody”, “does not exist”, “disappear”, “I’m sick of...”.

Character: Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intelligence. Transitions through stages of great love to periods of deep hatred. Doesn't believe in his right to exist.

Sexual difficulties. He considers himself useless and insignificant. Seeks solitude. It's stewing. Able to be invisible. Finds various ways to escape. Easily travels to the astral plane. He believes that he is not understood. He cannot allow his inner child to live in peace.

Most afraid: panic.

Nutrition: Appetite often disappears due to an influx of emotions or fear. Eats in small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as escape methods. Predisposition to anorexia.

Typical diseases: Skin, diarrhea, arrhythmia, respiratory dysfunction, allergies, vomiting, fainting, coma, hypoglycemia, diabetes, depression, suicidal tendencies, psychosis.

Fugitive diseases:

Among other diseases characteristic of a fugitive, we also see disorders respiratory functions, especially during times of panic.

The fugitive is susceptible allergies- this is a reflection of the rejection that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.

He can choose vomiting as an indicator of his disgust towards a certain person or situation. I have even heard such statements from teenagers: “I want to throw up my mother (or father).” The fugitive often wants to “sick up” a situation or a hated person and may express his feeling by saying: “This is a sickening person” or “Your talk makes me sick.” All of these are ways to express your desire for someone or something to reject.

Dizziness or fainting- also suitable means if you really want to avoid a situation or person.

In serious cases, the fugitive is saved coma.

Fugitive, suffering agoraphobia, uses this disorder when he wants to avoid certain situations and people that can cause him to panic (more about this behavioral disorder will be discussed in Chapter 3).

If a fugitive abuses sugar, it can cause pancreatic diseases such as hypoglycemia or diabetes.

If he has accumulated too much hatred towards the parent as a result of the suffering he has experienced and is experiencing as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop depressive or manic-depressive state. If he is planning suicide, he does not talk about it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and usually make mistakes when they take action belong rather to the category of the abandoned; they will be discussed in the next chapter.

Since childhood, it is difficult for a fugitive to recognize himself as a full-fledged human being, so he strives to be like the hero or heroine he adores, he is ready to get lost, to dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl passionately desires to be Marilyn Monroe; this lasts until she decides to be someone else.

The danger of such deviation in behavior is that over time it can turn into psychosis.

Schizoid character structure.

Description

The term "schizoid" comes from "schizophrenia" and means a person who has a predisposition to a schizophrenic state. This includes the splitting of the personality as a single whole, for example, thinking is separated from feelings. What a person thinks seems to have little apparent connection with what he feels or how he behaves; withdrawal, rupture or loss of contact with the world or with external reality. A schizoid individual is not a schizophrenic and may never become one, but a predisposition to this disease is present in his personality, usually well compensated.

The term "schizoid" describes a person whose sense of self is diminished, whose ego is weak, and whose contact with the body and with the feelings is greatly weakened.

Bioenergy conditions

Energy is removed from the peripheral structures of the body, namely from those parts through which the body is in contact with the outside world: the face, hands, genitals and legs. They are not fully energetically connected to the center, that is, excitation from the center does not flow freely to them, but is blocked by chronic muscle tension at the base of the head, shoulders, pelvis and hip joints. Therefore, the functions performed by them are separated from the feelings in the human heart.

The internal charge tends to “freeze” in the center area. As a result, a weak impulse is formed. However, the charge is explosive (due to its pressure) and can erupt in the form of violence or murder. This happens when defenses can no longer hold back and the body is filled with a huge amount of energy that it cannot cope with. The personality is divided into many parts, resulting in a schizophrenic state.

The defense consists of a pattern of muscle tension that together continuously holds the personality, preventing the peripheral structures from being filled with feelings and energy. Muscular tensions, such as those described above, are responsible for cutting off the peripheral organs from contact with the center.

Defense is therefore problematic. In the waist area there is an energetic splitting of the body, and as a result of this - disintegration of the integrity of the upper and lower halves of the body. Bioenergy analysis is shown in the diagram.

Physical aspects

In most cases, patients with such signs have a narrow and tight body. Where paranoid elements are present in the personality, the body is fuller and more athletic in appearance.

The main areas of tension are at the base of the skull, in the joints of the shoulders, legs, pelvis and in the diaphragm. The latter is usually so powerful that it splits the body into two parts. The main compression is concentrated in the small muscles that surround the joints. Therefore, in this type of character one can observe either extreme rigidity or hyperflexibility of the joints.

The face is mask-like. The eyes, although not empty, as in schizophrenia, are lifeless and do not make contact. The arms hang, more like appendages than extensions of the body. Feet tense and cold; they are often everted; body weight is transferred to the outer side of the foot.

There is often a noticeable discrepancy between the two halves of the body. In many cases they do not appear to belong to the same person.

For example, under stress, when a person assumes an arched position, the line of his body often appears broken. The head, torso and legs are often at an angle to each other.

Psychological relationships

The person does not feel whole /14/. The tendency towards disunity, which arises at the bodily level due to insufficient energetic connection between the head and the body, leads to a split personality. Thus, you can find a pose of arrogance combined with humiliation, or a virgin who feels like a whore. In the latter case, the body seems to be divided into two parts - upper and lower.

The schizoid character exhibits hypersensitivity due to a weak ego boundary, which is the psychological counterpart of the lack of peripheral charge. This weakness reduces the ego's resistance to external pressure and forces it into self-defense.

Such people avoid close, sensual relationships. In fact, it is very difficult for them to establish such relationships due to the lack of energy in the peripheral structures.

The desire to always motivate actions gives schizoid behavior a tinge of insincerity. This has been called “as if” behavior, i.e. it appears to be based on feelings, but the actions themselves are not an expression of feelings.

Etiological and historical factors

Here it seems important to provide some data on the origin of this structure. These are the summarized observations of those who have studied this problem, treated and analyzed patients with such disorders.

In all cases there is clear evidence that the patients were rejected by their mother at an early age, which they perceived as an existential threat. The rejection was accompanied by hidden and often open hostility on her part.

Rejection and hostility developed in the patient the fear that any attempts at contact, demands or self-assertion would lead to his own destruction.

From childhood comes a lack of any strong positive feelings of security or joy, frequent nightmares.

Typical of such patients is both detached and unemotional behavior with occasional outbursts of rage, which is called autistic.

If either parent repeatedly intervened in the child's life during the oedipal period (for example, for sexual reasons), which is very common, then a paranoid element was added to the main symptom. This made some activity possible in late childhood or adulthood.

In all this, the child has no choice but to separate himself from reality (the intense life of the imagination) and from his body (the abstract mind) in order to survive. Due to the fact that his main feelings were horror and mortal rage, the child fenced himself off from all feelings through self-defense.
By voice:

· The fugitive's voice is weak and powerless.

Dance manner:

· The fugitive does not like dancing. If he dances, his movements are minimal and inexpressive; he does not want to be noticed. It seems to say: “Don’t look at me for too long.”

Car selection:

· The fugitive loves unobtrusive cars of a dull color.

Sitting posture:

· The fugitive shrinks, trying to take up as little space as possible in the chair. He loves to tuck his legs under himself: when he is not connected to the ground, it is easier to escape.

Fears:

· The fugitive's greatest fear is panic. He cannot properly realize this because he hides, disappears as soon as he begins to panic, or even before it begins. Those around you see panic without difficulty - it is almost always your eyes that give it away.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of being rejected is experienced with a same-sex parent. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by people of the same sex as himself. He blames them for rejecting him and feels more anger towards them than towards himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left him.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury rejected you are close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space, if you begin to assert yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not there, it does not unsettle you. Situations in which you are afraid to panic occur less and less often

This book is for those who are tired of an unhappy life and are ready to change it and change themselves. This book is for those who are tired of misunderstanding and want to make relationships with people around them more harmonious. This book is for those who are tired of the lack of love and want to learn true self-love, gain faith in their strength and peace in their hearts. Liz Burbo is the author of two dozen best-selling books, the founder of a personal growth system, an experienced coach and spiritual teacher for thousands of people from all over the world. Her advice has helped many people realize responsibility for their lives, first of all, to themselves, comprehend their true desires, recognize their true selves, and therefore begin to live more consciously and let success into their lives. This training book offers 40 exercises that will help you master the Luz Burbo system.

A series: Secret knowledge that changes life

* * *

by liters company.

Part one

Permission to live

Chapter first

The Experience of Pain: Recognizing and Healing Personal Trauma

They say that childhood is the most carefree time. Like, a little man lives, he’s not responsible for anything, he runs and jumps and doesn’t know any problems. Nonsense, of course. Childhood is perhaps the most difficult period of life, the most eventful and eventful. Happy and unhappy at the same time. The most dramatic one, if you will.

Deeply experienced childhood events, moments of happiness and grief have life-long consequences, influencing the personality of an already mature person, his actions, worldview, and relationships with others.

Fortunately, it is no longer a secret to anyone that the main people for any child are always: parents, and it is relationships with them that influence the development of personality more than relationships with anyone else. The family is the beginning and core of any child’s coordinate system, the starting point. Parents are his main teachers, “healers” and, alas, “saboteurs” too. Psychological and mental trauma, without which no childhood is actually complete, is usually inflicted by parents intentionally or accidentally (usually the latter).

Thus, many years of observations of children and adults, single and married people, physically healthy and not very strong allowed Liz Burbo to put forward the following assumption: every person goes through four stages as they grow older.

The first stage is learning the joy of existence, of being yourself.

The second stage is suffering from the fact that you cannot be yourself.

The third stage is a period of crisis, rebellion.

The fourth stage is “building a new personality” or, in other words, selecting a mask that more closely matches the expectations of adults from the child.

Mask, according to Bourbo, it becomes a skillful substitute for everything that is real in a person: character, habits, affections, desires, even food preferences. The mask is either worn for a few minutes a day (if the injury is not deep and partially resolved), or worn almost constantly (if the injury is deep, not resolved and still causes suffering). The mask is designed to protect and, indeed, protects us - from new injuries, from our own imperfections, from pain, from dangers...

But at what cost!

After all, wearing a mask means never being yourself.

Could the punishment be more severe?

Gradually, Burbo systematized her observations and proposed the original concept of five masks as an expression of the five mental traumas most often experienced by a person.

The five injuries, according to Burbo, can be designated as follows:

Trauma of the abandoned (trauma corresponds to the mask of the dependent).

Trauma of the outcast (mask of the fugitive).

Trauma of the humiliated (masochist mask).

Trauma of betrayal (mask of the controller).

Trauma of injustice (mask of rigidity).

“There is not a single person who has not at least once been rejected, abandoned, betrayed, humiliated, or treated unfairly. It hurts, it makes you angry, it upsets you. However, we experience pain solely by choice. This happens when the ego manages to convince us that someone else should be blamed for our suffering, – Bourbo expresses a paradoxical thought. – But in life there are no guilty people; there are only those who suffer.”

However, in order to accept the suffering part, that is, the mask - your own or another person's - Liz Burbo suggests first getting acquainted with all five and identifying the distinctive signs of each trauma-mask.

It is important to understand that each of the five injuries described by Bourbo has a nasty property - obsession. Once it “hits” a person’s soul, it will be repeated and returned, and each time experienced as a new traumatic experience. Until the trauma is processed, experienced and accepted, a person unconsciously attracts events and people into his life that confirm his worthlessness, inappropriateness, and uselessness.

In a word, a person injures himself again and again, without even realizing it.

So, if you feel that unpleasant events in life are repeated again and again, that you seem to be missing right to life that others are better than you, then it’s time to finally stop pretending that everything is in order, and determine what kind of trauma was inflicted on you in time immemorial, and what protective mask, according to Liz Burbo’s classification, you chose. Only in this way, through awareness and pain, is healing possible. And after healing - a new, happy life.

Characteristics of injury rejected who wears a mask fugitive

First trauma: from the moment of conception to one year.

Rejection comes from same-sex parent who either did not want a child or wanted a child of a different gender. Because of such a global discrepancy, the fugitive does not feel the right to exist.

Body expression: compressed, narrow, fragile, as if “escaping”.

“nothing”, “nobody”, “does not exist”, “disappear”, “I’m sick of...”.

Detachment from material things. The pursuit of excellence. Focus on the spiritual, intellectual. Strives for solitude, for “escape.” Wants to be invisible. He believes that he is not understood. Addiction to sweets or alcohol as a way to escape.

Characteristics of injury abandoned who wears a mask dependent

First trauma: between one and three years.

Apply parent of the opposite sex. As a rule, the “abandoned” child suffers from either the absence or lack of communication with the parent of the opposite sex. The reason is the emotional detachment of the parent, his complete physical absence, lack of interest in the child or lack of warm, emotional contact between the child and the parent.

Body expression: elongated, thin, flabby body, long arms, curved back. Big sad eyes.

Favorite words and expressions:“there is no one”, “absent”, “alone”, “don’t leave”, “carry out”, “don’t leave”.

Manifestations in everyday life: In relationships, he tends to merge with others and does not tolerate separation well. Ready to do anything just not to be alone. Most of all, he needs outside support, positive reinforcement. Lacking a resource of support and love within himself, he constantly seeks and even demands attention from others, but the inner emptiness is insatiable. It is difficult for him to do or decide anything alone. Sad, tearful, prone to mood swings. Most of all he fears loneliness.

Characteristics of injury humiliated who wears a mask masochist

First trauma: over a period of one to three years.

Apply by the parent who is involved in the physical development of the child (usually the mother). Typically this is overly controlling parent which provokes a reaction of shame and a feeling of humiliation in the child.

Body expression: fat, short, chubby.

Favorite words:“worthy”, “undignified”, “small”, “fat”.

Manifestations in everyday life: Often he is ashamed of himself or others, and in order to dull the shame, he uses control - also of himself or others. Does not listen to his needs, including sexual ones, although he knows them. Hyper-responsible. Low self-esteem. Prone to self-torture of a psychological nature: “I am bad, disgusting, unworthy and cannot become worthy.” Most of all he fears freedom.

Characteristics of injury devoted, who wears a mask controlling

First trauma: in the period from two to four years, that is, during the normative experience of the Oedipus complex.

Apply parent of the opposite sex, when a mother or father does not behave as the child expects from them, manipulates, places unrealistic expectations on the child, or generally evades parental responsibilities. As a result, the child loses trust in the parent, and therefore in the world in general.

Body expression: a real tough guy. It’s like a deliberately strong, athletic, toned body.

Favorite words and expressions:“separate”, “do you understand?”, “I can”, “I can handle it myself”, “I knew it”, “I told you so”, “believe me”, “I know”, “I there’s something on his mind”, “I don’t trust him”, “break up”.

Manifestations in daily life: Impatient and intolerant. Difficulties with trust. Skepticism hides vulnerability. He pretends to be responsible, obligatory, important, but in reality it costs him enormous effort to keep his promise or at least not to forget about what he promised. Loves praise. He cannot stand lies from others, although he himself easily lies. Needs leadership, formal or informal. If the bosses are good, then he is a good performer. Most of all he is afraid of divorce, breakup, separation.

Characteristics of Survivor Trauma injustice, who wears a mask rigid

First trauma: between the ages of four and six, when a child first begins to experience and appreciate his or her individuality.

If, for various reasons, a child cannot show individuality, does not have the skill or conditions for self-expression, traumatization occurs: the child experiences this as injustice and turns to anger, resentment, sadness to a parent of the same sex.

As a rule, relationships with parents are superficial. Often the traumatic parent is cold, inattentive, and is unable to establish trusting contact with the child. As a result, the survivor of injustice seems to separate himself from his emotions, gives himself the attitude “I don’t feel anything” and puts on a mask of rigidity.

Body expression: a well-built, proportional body, but constrained in movements. Tense neck and jaw. Posture is straight and proud.

Favorite words and expressions:“no problem”, “always, never”, “very good, very kind”, “exactly so”, “am I right?”, “if I’m not mistaken”, “exactly”, “quite fair”, “of course”, "Do you agree?".

Everyday manifestations: He strives for perfection in every possible way and is overly demanding of himself. He thinks not about who he is, but about what he does. Since childhood, he has become accustomed to thinking that he is valued not for who he is, but solely for his achievements and actions. Often believes that others are luckier than him. There is no contact with one's own feelings. Doesn't like and doesn't know how to ask for help. Prone to doubt, to comparing oneself and others. Moreover, in comparison it always loses. He constantly carries a feeling of guilt, believing that he is unworthy of pleasure, joy, and praise. In emotional manifestations he is inhibited, but what he is most afraid of from others is coldness.

Do you recognize your mask? Did several types seem painfully familiar to you at once? Not you, but did the mask fit someone close and acquaintances? Both this and this are absolutely normal.

What makes the classification proposed by Bourbo convenient is its universality and at the same time flexibility. Highlighting the main characteristic features and typical manifestations, Liz Burbo constantly repeats that different people wear the same protective mask in different ways - there are no “textbook” injuries, no absolutely identical manifestations of suffering. Everything is dictated by our individuality. In addition, it often happens that a person experiences several mental traumas and, accordingly, puts on several masks - one on top of the other or in turn.

To accurately recognize your (or your neighbor's) injury, Liz Burbo recommends several techniques:

Search and highlight basic, key signs of injury, because if the injury is not very deep and moderately severe, then everyone the described symptoms may not exist;

Don’t be afraid to “feel” the mask on your face, remembering that at one time the mask was vital. Her protection may have allowed you to survive or reduce your suffering;

Treat mental trauma calmly and purposefully: this is just as normal and natural as treating physical ailments or illnesses.

Of course, Liz Burbo has her own method for healing mental trauma. It is successfully used to treat even old, deep, poorly recognized injuries and includes several stages - several steps.

First step- this, whatever one may say, is an acknowledgment of one’s trauma, its presence and role in one’s life. In other words, if you continue to pretend that you are not sick, you will not be able to recover. One way or another, you will have to see your mental trauma, determine its “type”, and then acknowledge its existence (but, note, not a priority for managing your life!).

“A person lives in order to work through what has not been worked through, and to resolve what weighs on him with the burden of suffering,” says Liz Burbo.

Well, that makes sense.

Second step to healing - to accept your trauma and give it at least a piece of unconditional love. Let’s say right away – it’s incredibly difficult!

Firstly, unconditional love (according to Burbo, this means “accept, even if you don’t agree or don’t understand”) is not given “for free”, it must be cultivated in oneself gradually and persistently. There is no single, universal, understandable way for everyone to develop unconditional love, but some possibilities and techniques will be described later in this book.

Secondly, the more unbearable the trauma, the more intense love it requires. However, the effort is worth it: as soon as your throbbing pain, your tired mask feels that it is not being persecuted, but loved, the evil spell will begin to melt away. Checked!

Finally, third step is to go through the four stages of development described at the beginning of this chapter again, only in reverse order - from the fourth to the first. At the first stage you will have to see your mask. On the second, work with your resistance, which will certainly arise and will be expressed in rebellion, indignation, and denial of the obvious. Perhaps you will slam the book in indignation (“What nonsense! This is not about me!”). You may want to shift responsibility to others (“They are all to blame!”). Perhaps portray humility (“I lived before and I will live again”). Find the strength to overcome resistance.

On fourth step you will need to return to the moment of initial traumatization: to suffer badly, to be angry with your parents, to feel sorry for your little self. This stage should end with saying goodbye to childhood anger and gaining sympathy for parents and forgiving them. Fourth step– it is also a return to your true self, a farewell to the mask, a greeting to your true “I”, open to experience and love.

“Seeing pain, recognizing it, saying hello to it is not easy. This is extremely difficult and also scary. But if work with trauma is successful, then the person gains the experience of true self-compassion. It is as if he gives himself permission to experience, and at the same time, he reduces the level of anger, shame and malice in his soul. The pain must be experienced and released, and under no circumstances should it be suppressed. In the latter case, it will not go away, but will only cripple the soul deeper,” – recommends Burbo.

How do you know that you are on the right path and your injuries are slowly healing?

Liz Burbo claims that trauma rejected you are close to healing if you allow yourself to take up more and more space in your life, allow yourself to simply be and find an effective way to self-affirmation and self-realization.

Injury abandoned is close to healing if loneliness becomes bearable and even pleasant, if independence and determination grow, and the need for outside support becomes less annoying.

Injury humiliated is close to healing if control and demands on oneself weaken. If a person is able to ask for help and accept help, this is also a good sign.

Injury betrayal is close to healing if a person experiences disruption of plans, sudden separation more calmly, or if a good deed went unnoticed by others.

Injury injustice is close to healing if a person gives himself permission to make mistakes, if he has access to emotions and feelings, if crying in front of strangers no longer means disgracing himself.

As symptoms weaken and mental trauma (no matter what) is healed, a person’s emotional independence, self-reliance, and attentiveness to their needs increases. Cultivating emotional independence, a person gradually learns that the “levers” for suffering, as well as for happiness, are in himself, in his perception, in his personality, in his psyche.

Below you will find exercises that help you work independently with mental trauma and promote healing.

Exercise 1.

"Safe place"

Before execution:

Performance:

Find a quiet, quiet place. Make yourself comfortable. Take a few breaths in and out. Close your eyes and try to imagine your safe place. A safe place means a place where you feel calm, happy, and serene. This place can be anywhere and can have any size and shape. The main thing is to present it as detailed and realistic as possible.

So where is this place? Even if it's a fictional country or another planet, come up with a name for it! What is the landscape like in a safe place, what is the weather like? What time of year is it? Is your safe place indoors, or is it outdoors? What smells accompany it? Who lives in a safe place besides you?

You can “populate” it with anyone, even fairy-tale characters. The main thing is that the inhabitants, the landscape, and the climate are 100% safe, instilling joy and tranquility.

Imagine to your heart's content. Imagine everything in detail, do not be shy about the wildness of your imagination - after all, this is only yours a safe place, and no one will go there without your invitation. When you feel satisfied, gradually return to this reality. Take your time to “jump” from here to there, breathe deeply. Open your eyes and make sure where you are. Say out loud the current date and year, and your name. Ground yourself well.

After execution:

You are free to travel to a safe place from time to time, gradually saturating it with new details, details, elements, people and animals. If you wish, after your next trip you can write down what you saw there, or even better, sketch it.

When the safe place also becomes familiar enough to you, you can try to record your own feelings about it. Try to be attentive to positive emotions, learn to distinguish between “joy” and “delight,” “happiness” and “surprise”... Do not block yourself from positive emotions, because they are the resource for liberation from mental trauma.

Exercise 2.

"Calm Breathing"

Before execution:

This exercise suggests mastering breathing with the diaphragm - in other words, belly breathing, the most natural breathing for a person.

Performance:

Sit comfortably and place your hands on your knees or armrests to slightly release your shoulders.

1. Take a deep breath (for about 4 seconds) through your nose, directing the air into your lower abdomen.

2. Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds.

3. Exhale slowly (about 4 seconds) through your mouth.

4. Wait a few seconds before inhaling and exhaling again.

There are 6-8 breathing cycles per minute, and this is quite enough. If you experience symptoms of hyperventilation such as dizziness, ringing in the ears, blurred vision, stop doing it. Don't hold your breath. Try to keep your body as relaxed as possible.

After execution:

Practice diaphragmatic breathing twice a day for five minutes. At first, do the exercise when you are more or less calm. Then you can easily switch to a calm mode, and the breathing exercise will protect you from “overload” and stress.

Exercise 3.

"Problem"

Before execution:

The exercise is aimed at reducing the significance of a problem situation and moving towards inner peace. It is recommended to perform it after you have determined the type of mask you have and have begun working to free yourself from personal mental trauma.

Liz Burbo argues that it is not the traumatic event itself that matters, but your relationship with him. As soon as you decide to free yourself from the reaction to trauma, its presence in life will begin to decrease, and the mask will begin to “slip.” This exercise is to help you on a difficult but true path.

Performance:

Sit comfortably. Think about a problem, a situation, a character trait, an existing relationship, a recurring reaction - something that does not suit you, that is unpleasant, annoying or painful for you. State the essence of the problem in two or three sentences.

Then think about someone with whom you recently discussed this problem. Remember the situation, the flow of the conversation, the setting, the person’s face. If you prefer to keep your problems to yourself, think about the environment in which you last thought about your troubles. Where was it - on the street, at work, in the car? What was happening around? Who was an unwitting witness to your painful thoughts?

Try to step back from your situation and become purely an observer. Remember your loved ones, acquaintances, relatives, friends. What problems, troubles, troubles do they have? How is your problem similar to the problems of people you know? Think about it.

As you are ready, expand your range of fantasies. Remember what problems exist in your team, in your city, in your country? What is common between all unpleasant and all joyful situations? What joys and sorrows are there in life (in yours and in general)? Take your time. Try to enjoy the process.

Then imagine as if you are looking through a special microscope, through which you can see literally everything - the entire Earth, the Solar System, the Galaxy... What kind of troubles are there?

at Space? What's troubling planet Earth? Does the Galaxy have emotions?.. Imagine!

And then return your thoughts to your original problem. Formulate the main thing in it again. How do you see it now, after reflection? How serious do you think it is?

After execution:

As a rule, after completing the exercise, it is possible to reformulate the essence of the problem, and the vision of life’s troubles softens; they no longer seem so insurmountable, fatal, or determining the course of life.

Exercise 4.

“Resentment is out”

Before execution:

This simple exercise allows you to feel a little calmer about what hurts and those who caused pain.

Performance:

Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Try to breathe from your diaphragm.

Clench your fists and imagine that you are holding your grudge in your hands. Stretch your arms as hard as you can. Feel the tension in your fists, in your muscles, in your shoulders, throughout your whole body... and then sharply unclench your fist, relax your muscles, relax your whole body, face. Exhale loudly. Let go of grudges. Imagine them falling to the floor, rolling and disappearing. Or they crumble into small pieces, shatter into pieces, and they are no longer there.

After execution:

Congratulations. Your resentment has disappeared.

Chapter two

Three pillars of a happy life: responsibility, forgiveness and love

Healing mental trauma is first and foremost a process. No one knows how long it will take for you to achieve the result - that is, to a qualitatively different, happy, harmonious life. Therefore, the main thing in this matter is to start and move forward, despite possible fears and internal resistance.

And while you're on your way, it's a good idea to learn a few more things. For example, about responsibility, forgiveness and love , without which, according to Liz Burbo, a happy life is impossible.

“Reluctance to accept the experience, refusal of responsibility and lack of love are the main reasons for our resistance and our difficulties,” – says the famous trainer and spiritual mentor.

However, three magic words need to be deciphered - “responsibility”, “forgiveness” and “love” can be interpreted very differently. What meaning does Liz Burbo put into these concepts?

Let's start with responsibility.

"Be responsible means realizing that we create our lives and the world around us ourselves. What we create is what we get,” says Burbo.

Being responsible means being aware of the consequences of your actions. But - only your own! The only exception when we are responsible for the decisions and actions of others is when a parent is responsible for a minor child.

To be responsible means not to try to embrace the immensity and to be responsible for everything. Responsibility is a purely personal, if not intimate, matter. So, we have no right to force others be responsible for our actions, decisions and feelings. Conversely, we should not and cannot be responsible for the reactions, actions, thoughts and emotions of others.

A truly responsible person accepts everything that life throws at him as a new experience and “food” for the development of the soul.

By accepting full responsibility for our lives, we do not take away, but give ourselves a choice.

The feeling of responsibility is the opposite of the feeling of guilt, because guilt is experienced by those who feel victim life, and responsibility is inherent to the owner.

For those who are not averse to turning from a victim into a master, Liz Burbo recommends a simple, effective remedy. That's what - conversations With myself.

From time to time, especially when making decisions, when encountering something new, when trying to understand the events that happened, Burbo suggests asking yourself a few questions.

For example: “How can I use my experience to grow and develop?”

Or: “Why did I need what happened?”

“What did I learn from what happened?”

“How will this help me better understand myself and others?”

“What will happen if my current wish comes true?”...

Regular practice of this kind well “cleanses” the consciousness, mind and intellect of all husks.

Firstly, with the help of questions “about the main thing” we learn in life to separate the main thing from the secondary, superficial.

Secondly, we focus on ourselves - on our desires, capabilities and responsibilities, without shifting the burden onto our neighbors. Thirdly, as Bourbo assures, through responsibility we learn acceptance - and acceptance Total, what happens to us and what gives life.

Learn forgiveness ahead in the next stage of mental healing. This is the next test on the path to a new life. Yes, yes, it’s a test, because in order to truly forgive – others and yourself – you need to thoroughly “shovel” the perception of life, past traumatic events, and yourself.

“A person who has not forgiven essentially lives in the past,” – says Liz Burbo. and adds: however, “the only reality exists in the present moment.”

This means that until we have forgiven, reconciled, and “let go” of the offenders, it is as if we are not here.

The process of forgiveness, according to Burbo, is divided into several stages:

Reconciliation with the offender;

The experience of compassion for him;

Letting him be Just by a person;

Awareness of anger towards oneself;

Forgiving yourself.

Of course, in life everything is somewhat more complicated than a few clear points. Forgiving an enemy can occur simultaneously with reconciliation with him, awareness of anger can cause a wild internal protest, and, for example, you may not get to the point of forgiving yourself at all...

However, Liz Burbo offers several hints, “beacons”, with the help of which it will be easier for you to figure out whether you are going in the right direction (that is, towards forgiveness).

– It is advisable to meet with the person who once hurt you and tell him in private what you experienced. Don't expect anything specific from this meeting, and especially don't expect remorse from the person who hurt you. However, try to see in this person not an executioner, but a suffering man or woman. If this works out, then you will be able to forgive and reconcile with him. You will understand this by the feeling afterwards: if after the meeting you are enveloped in lightness and simplicity of perception of the world, then the task is completed. If questions and doubts remain, if you mentally continue the conversation with this person, having already said goodbye to him, it means that you are still angry with him and, moreover, with yourself.

After thinking a little and getting angry, cast the following spell: “I give myself the right to be angry, criticize, slander and accuse this person. I give space to all these emotions in my soul. I give space in my soul to the also suffering part of myself, which triggers anger and resentment.”. Wait a little, and you will probably feel how the anger lets go, how the resentment and anger dull, how the understanding comes: he, the villain, is also a person. Allowing another (and even such an “other” who caused pain!) to be just a person is almost a feat. And an important step towards true forgiveness.

If you don’t succeed the first time, repeat the magic spell in moments of melancholy and anger - it will definitely help.

– Forgiveness occurs through acquaintance and awareness of one’s anger. One way or another, sooner or later, you will have to look your aggression in the face and say hello to anger. And only after this “launch” the energy of forgiveness, which is always stronger and more productive than the energy of anger.

– The stage of forgiving yourself is necessary, just as is necessary, say, the recovery period after surgery or a serious illness. There will be no high-quality, long enough rehabilitation - sooner or later the disease will return again. It’s the same in relationships: having reconciled with the enemy, but not with ourselves, we will sooner or later discover that the traumatic situation is repeated (with this or with another person), and the same fears and emotions roil in our souls.

Why is it so hard to forgive yourself? Liz Burbo gives an answer to this question: deep mental trauma not only continues to bleed for many years, but also instills in a person the idea that forgiveness is not about him and not for him. The abandoned, rejected, betrayed, etc. cannot be forgiven and cannot forgive themselves.

A person who clings tightly to an old mental trauma is, of course, not free.

And to forgive means to give yourself freedom!

All these responsibilities, forgiveness, acceptance sound beautiful, solemn, but try to feel them with your heart, let them into your life! This, without any pathos, requires courage, perseverance and, if you like, such noble stubbornness that will not allow you to give up.

The exercises in this chapter are designed to make it a little easier to fulfill the honorable mission of forgiveness and liberation of oneself.

Exercise 5.

“I forgive you” (technique of Margarita Murakhovskaya)

Before execution:

A beautiful and effective exercise helps to free yourself from resentment.

It should be done in a quiet, calm place where no one will disturb you.

Performance:

Imagine that you are walking along a country road. There is a flower meadow around. The road divides a huge field filled with beautiful wildflowers. You hear the buzzing of insects, the singing of birds, the rustling of grass. You feel good and easy, you breathe deeply and take a leisurely walk.

You see a man coming towards you... This is your father! Only in my youth. Having caught up with him, you extend your hands to him and say: “Hello, dad. Please forgive me for not being what you wanted. Thank you for everything, for what happened and what didn’t happen. Dad, I forgive you for everything: for not being there when I missed you so much, for not believing in me, for hurting me, for not talking about my love. I forgive you. You are free". You see how your dad suddenly turns into a child of about three years old, whom you so want to take in your arms, kiss and tell about your love.

Then the baby daddy turns into a completely tiny baby, about the size of your palm. With tenderness and love, you find a place for the baby in your soul - where he will be at peace.

You continue your walk. Now your mother is coming towards you, approximately at the age at which she gave birth to you. You extend your hand to her and say: “Hello, mom. Forgive me, please, for everything - for the fact that I sometimes hurt you. Sorry for not meeting your expectations. And I forgive you for everything - for the fact that when I so needed your support, you were not there; for taking out your fears and anxieties on me; for not always believing in me. Now you are free. Thank you! Thanks to you, I was born. Thank you for your tenderness and care."

Here your mother gradually turns into a three-year-old girl, you take her in your arms, hug her close and say: “I love you very much. You are the closest and dearest." When mom becomes the size of your palm, you place her in your soul.

You move on. Another person approaches you. This time it's you. You look at yourself and say, “Hello. Please forgive me for everything, for always judging you. I really love you very much. You are the closest and dearest person to me.” Now it’s your turn to become a three-year-old baby, and then a baby who will be so comfortable in your loving soul.

You continue your walk. You well. You are at peace. You feel that now everything in life will be a little different.

After execution:

You are free to modify the exercise as you wish: you can change the text, you can change or add people you met on a walk. Let the text reflect what is in your heart, and let the people be exactly the people who are waiting for your forgiveness.

Do this exercise for one month, once a day, and you will gradually feel that forgiveness has come to you as a gift.

Exercise 6.

"I feel…"

Before execution:

Another exercise to help those who sincerely want to forgive themselves.

Performance:

Sit comfortably. Take a few breaths to slow your thoughts down a little.

Feel your body as part of you and say (silently or out loud) the following text: “I feel my right foot. I completely accept and forgive my right foot for everything. I love my right foot and thank it for everything it does for me. I can feel my right ankle. I have a wonderful, healthy and beautiful right ankle. I love my right ankle and forgive it for everything...” Slowly listing all the parts of our body, we go up. First, forgive the right side of the body, then the left. Try to remember as many parts of the body and organs as possible that need forgiveness and acceptance. It is especially important to forgive those parts of the body where there are physical discomforts.

Don't waste your time! If you are short on time today, it is better to divide the ritual of forgiveness into parts: say, today you communicate with the right side of your body, tomorrow with the left.

When the forgiven body feels light, proceed to the second part of the exercise - forgiving your personality.

Tell yourself something like this: “I feel like a girl. I am a wonderful, healthy and beautiful girl. I completely accept and forgive myself – the girl – for everything. I love myself, a girl, and thank her for everything she does for me. I feel like a grown woman. I am a wonderful, healthy and beautiful woman. I completely accept and forgive myself – a woman – for everything. I feel like a lover. I am a wonderful, healthy, sexy and beautiful lover. I fully accept and forgive myself – my mistress, for everything...” Go through all the social roles you currently occupy. You can modify the text as you like, as long as the words “forgiveness” and “love” remain in it.

After execution:

Repeat the exercises for two weeks, every day. This period is considered to be sufficient for true self-forgiveness.

Exercise 7.

"A Few Phrases"

Before execution:

An exercise borrowed from Gestalt therapy works on taking responsibility for yourself, your actions, your life. Classically, the exercise is performed in pairs, but you can do it alone, armed with a white sheet of paper.

Performance:

The exercise is performed in four steps.

First step. Write the beginning of the phrase “I must...” on a piece of paper and verbally come up with the ending. Then, leaving the ending of the phrase the same, replace “I must” with “I prefer.” Well, is there a difference? If yes, then try to realize it, feel it, understand how great the distance is from “should” to “prefer”.

Second step. Write on a piece of paper the beginning of the phrase “I can’t” and come up with an ending. It is desirable, of course, that the content of these phrases have at least some relevance to your current life. Using the same principle as in the first step, replace the beginning of the phrase with “I don’t want”, leaving the ending the same. Feel the difference.

Third step. Do the same thing, “replacing” the phrase “I need...” with “I want...”

Fourth step. Replace the beginning “I'm afraid that...” with “I would like...”.

If you are doing the exercise alone, write down the resulting phrases on a piece of paper and save it.

After execution:

Think about which phrases you like the most as a result of the exercise, and which ones cause hostility, anxiety or even fear. Why? Think about what will happen if instead of endless “shoulds” you are guided by “I want”, but at the same time your lifestyle, field of activity, family composition do not change that much?.. Which responsibility is more pleasant, in the end - forced or voluntary, received with love and warmth?

Chapter Three

How to talk to yourself about love

A separate chapter is devoted to how to love yourself and confess your love to yourself. After all, forgiveness, responsibility, and all the good things in the world are based on love... However, not everyone is able to experience true love, including true love for oneself, “on the run.”

What is true love, different from passion, sympathy, selfishness, desire to possess?

Well, at least love is work. Love is self-disclosure. This is a risk, this is a movement, this is an action. This is always an active state.

This is knowledge and the desire for knowledge!

Perhaps this is why it is so difficult for a traumatized person who has long forgotten his true self, who is insecure and afraid, to love himself and admit his love to himself. And considering that every second of us was traumatized in one way or another in childhood, you can imagine the number of people who did not love, or even did not love themselves at all!

In addition, for a long time it was believed that self-love is something abnormal, unworthy, inherent only to narcissistic egoists. And although now the stupid stereotype has been destroyed, not everyone dares to love themselves and admit their love.

Liz Burbo interprets self-love as unconditional acceptance of oneself “as you are at the moment.” She claims that a true lover accepts all parts of himself, including those that are objectively unnecessary, that bring suffering.

“Love,” according to Bourbo, is in no way equal to such concepts as “to please,” “to please,” “to comply,” and “to always agree.” The only possible synonym for the concept of “true love” is “acceptance.”

Love is never selfishness, but manifestations of true love are often mistaken for selfishness. For example, those who expect from love and from a loving person eternal agreement and readiness to fulfill any whim, they are precisely selfish. Those who love truly and can say “no” only show the limits of their capabilities at the moment. This doesn't make love any less.

What does it mean to “love yourself”?

"Love yourself, – writes Burbo, – this means recognizing the right to change, to develop, to gain experience and to make mistakes. This means respecting not only your strengths, but also your limitations, fears and weaknesses, guilt, beliefs and desires. Everything that gives experience. We must understand that everything is necessary and everything is temporary.”

Through observations, conversations, and research, Burbo identified several key signs by which one can determine both true love for oneself and for others:

Acceptance of one’s dissimilarity from others and the dissimilarity of each person from each other.

The ability to give yourself pleasure, even if it seems undeserved. The same goes for those we love.

The ability to accept yourself or another, even knowing that you or the other are far from perfect.

The desire to increasingly be the way you want (in the case of others: to notice a movement for the better in loved ones).

The ability to listen to your heart, and not the rules imposed by others.

The ability to learn from every event lesson, experience. Do not reproach yourself or others for mistakes.

The realization that no one is responsible for my happiness except myself. Just as I am not responsible for “making” others, even close and loved ones.

To truly love yourself - to love “clean and dirty”, ugly and well-groomed, stupid and wise, in weakness and laziness, in lies and cowardice, in courage and nobility, you must first of all understand the following:

You are on this planet primarily for yourself. The rest - parents, lovers, friends, children, colleagues, teachers - are given to us as guides, as assistants, allowing us to better know ourselves.

This, according to Liz Burbo, is the unwritten law of the universe.

Easy to say, hard to do. And is it even possible to love yourself if all previous experience suggests that people like you are not loved?

To at least try to find self-love, so that at least start a conversation with yourself about love, Bourbeau suggests starting with smart management of life.

All you need to do is:

Be aware of the consequences of your decisions;

Recognize not imaginary, but true cause-and-effect relationships;

Try to evaluate the usefulness of your decisions and actions for yourself and others;

Notice the virtues in others first, and then the flaws;

Allow yourself to be happy, even if your loved ones are unhappy. By sharing their misfortune, we do not make them happier, but we multiply misfortune on earth;

Whenever possible, eat natural foods; eat only when you are hungry, and often say “thank you” to your body for its good service;

Rest and get enough sleep regularly;

Take care of the environment and not waste natural resources excessively;

Buy only what you need;

Allow yourself to act conditionally “right” and conditionally “wrong” - because only through trial and error can we understand what we really need and where to get it.

Agree, it’s not so difficult to follow the rules of reasonableness! Gradually, one by one, introduce them into your life. Add your own if you feel the need.

Be patient.

Forgive yourself and forgive again!

Take in the lessons!

Watch others!

The result will not come immediately, but it promises to be delightful: you will learn to love yourself as anyone, but, most importantly, more and more often you will not be “anyone”, but the person you have always dreamed of becoming.

In the fourth part of this training (just at the moment when the hardworking, inquisitive reader has already done serious internal work and has “grown up” quite well internally), we will once again return to the topic of self-love and discuss more deeply the nuances of relationships with ourselves.

And now, as psychological support, you are offered exercises aimed at developing self-love. That very conscious unconditional love.

Exercise 8.

"Magic Door"

Before execution:

Make sure your thoughts are calm and your imagination is free.

Performance:

Make yourself comfortable. You can close your eyes to help your imagination work, or you can leave them open and look at some plain background if this activates your imagination.

Now imagine a closed door. It can be any color and size and can be located anywhere. A door can lead to a luxurious mansion, decorate the gates of a castle, “live” in the entrance of a multi-storey building, invite you into an apartment, or even just rise in an open field. One thing should always be constant - the word “Love”, written on the door in calligraphic handwriting or scratched with a knife. Looking at the door, you must understand that the inscription on it is not a joke. The door truly leads to the world of love. Moreover, personally into your world of love, where a variety of people, creatures and objects live, memories, emotions, situations and sensations that personally matter to you and are related to the theme of love.

Take your time to enter the world of love: take the time to properly, in detail, imagine this door and the inscription on it. However, don’t rush to imagine what awaits you outside the door - wait a minute.

When you open the magical door to the land of love, impressions will appear. Don't force their appearance with your mind and don't filter them. Let images, sounds, memories, smells appear, body sensations arise. Gradually explore your own world of love.

End of introductory fragment.

* * *

The given introductory fragment of the book 15 lessons from Liz Burbo. Heal the traumas that prevent you from being happy, loved and rich (Maria Aber, 2016) provided by our book partner -

Typology of characters (Alexander Lowen and Lise Burbo)

1. Trauma of the rejected - the fugitive mask - schizoid type

Characteristics of Rejected Trauma:

Awakening Trauma: from the moment of conception to one year; with same-sex parent. Doesn't feel the right to exist.

Mask: fugitive.

Parent: same sex.

Body: compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.

Eyes: small, with an expression of fear; impression of a mask around the eyes.

Dictionary: “nothing”, “nobody”, “does not exist”, “disappear”, “I’m sick of...”.

Character: Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intelligence. Transitions through stages of great love to periods of deep hatred. Doesn't believe in his right to exist.

Sexual difficulties. He considers himself useless and insignificant. Seeks solitude. It's stewing. Able to be invisible. Finds various ways to escape. Easily travels to the astral plane. He believes that he is not understood. He cannot allow his inner child to live in peace.

Most afraid: panic.

Nutrition: Appetite often disappears due to an influx of emotions or fear. Eats in small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as escape methods. Predisposition to anorexia.

Typical diseases: Skin, diarrhea, arrhythmia, respiratory dysfunction, allergies, vomiting, fainting, coma, hypoglycemia, diabetes, depression, suicidal tendencies, psychosis.

Fugitive diseases:

Among other diseases characteristic of a fugitive, we also see disorders respiratory functions, especially during times of panic.

The fugitive is susceptible allergies- this is a reflection of the rejection that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.

He can choose vomiting as an indicator of his disgust towards a certain person or situation. I have even heard such statements from teenagers: “I want to throw up my mother (or father).” The fugitive often wants to “sick up” a situation or a hated person and may express his feeling by saying: “This is a sickening person” or “Your talk makes me sick.” These are all ways to express your desire for someone or to reject something.

Dizziness or fainting- also suitable means if you really want to avoid a situation or person.

In serious cases, the fugitive is saved coma.

Fugitive, suffering agoraphobia, uses this disorder when he wants to avoid certain situations and people that can cause him to panic (more about this behavioral disorder will be discussed in Chapter 3).

If a fugitive abuses sugar, it can cause pancreatic diseases such as hypoglycemia or diabetes.

If he has accumulated too much hatred towards the parent as a result of the suffering he has experienced and is experiencing as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop depressive or manic-depressive state. If he is planning suicide, he does not talk about it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and usually make mistakes when they take action belong rather to the category of the abandoned; they will be discussed in the next chapter.

Since childhood, it is difficult for a fugitive to recognize himself as a full-fledged human being, so he strives to be like the hero or heroine he adores, he is ready to get lost, to dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl passionately desires to be Marilyn Monroe; this lasts until she decides to be someone else.

The danger of such deviation in behavior is that over time it can turn into psychosis.

Schizoid character structure.

Description

The term "schizoid" comes from "schizophrenia" and means a person who has a predisposition to a schizophrenic state. This includes the splitting of the personality as a single whole, for example, thinking is separated from feelings. What a person thinks seems to have little apparent connection with what he feels or how he behaves; withdrawal, rupture or loss of contact with the world or with external reality. A schizoid individual is not a schizophrenic and may never become one, but a predisposition to this disease is present in his personality, usually well compensated.

The term "schizoid" describes a person whose sense of self is diminished, whose ego is weak, and whose contact with the body and with the feelings is greatly weakened.

Bioenergy conditions

Energy is removed from the peripheral structures of the body, namely from those parts through which the body is in contact with the outside world: the face, hands, genitals and legs. They are not fully energetically connected to the center, that is, excitation from the center does not flow freely to them, but is blocked by chronic muscle tension at the base of the head, shoulders, pelvis and hip joints. Therefore, the functions performed by them are separated from the feelings in the human heart.

The internal charge tends to “freeze” in the center area. As a result, a weak impulse is formed. However, the charge is explosive (due to its pressure) and can erupt in the form of violence or murder. This happens when defenses can no longer hold back and the body is filled with a huge amount of energy that it cannot cope with. The personality is divided into many parts, resulting in a schizophrenic state.

The defense consists of a pattern of muscle tension that together continuously holds the personality, preventing the peripheral structures from being filled with feelings and energy. Muscular tensions, such as those described above, are responsible for cutting off the peripheral organs from contact with the center.

Defense is therefore problematic. In the waist area there is an energetic splitting of the body, and as a result of this - disintegration of the integrity of the upper and lower halves of the body. Bioenergy analysis is shown in the diagram.

Physical aspects

In most cases, patients with such signs have a narrow and tight body. Where paranoid elements are present in the personality, the body is fuller and more athletic in appearance.

The main areas of tension are at the base of the skull, in the joints of the shoulders, legs, pelvis and in the diaphragm. The latter is usually so powerful that it splits the body into two parts. The main compression is concentrated in the small muscles that surround the joints. Therefore, in this type of character one can observe either extreme rigidity or hyperflexibility of the joints.

The face is mask-like. The eyes, although not empty, as in schizophrenia, are lifeless and do not make contact. The arms hang, more like appendages than extensions of the body. Feet tense and cold; they are often everted; body weight is transferred to the outer side of the foot.

There is often a noticeable discrepancy between the two halves of the body. In many cases they do not appear to belong to the same person.

For example, under stress, when a person assumes an arched position, the line of his body often appears broken. The head, torso and legs are often at an angle to each other.

Psychological relationships

The person does not feel whole /14/. The tendency towards disunity, which arises at the bodily level due to insufficient energetic connection between the head and the body, leads to a split personality. Thus, you can find a pose of arrogance combined with humiliation, or a virgin who feels like a whore. In the latter case, the body seems to be divided into two parts - upper and lower.

The schizoid character exhibits hypersensitivity due to a weak ego boundary, which is the psychological counterpart of the lack of peripheral charge. This weakness reduces the ego's resistance to external pressure and forces it into self-defense.

Such people avoid close, sensual relationships. In fact, it is very difficult for them to establish such relationships due to the lack of energy in the peripheral structures.

The desire to always motivate actions gives schizoid behavior a tinge of insincerity. This has been called “as if” behavior, i.e. it appears to be based on feelings, but the actions themselves are not an expression of feelings.

Here it seems important to provide some data on the origin of this structure. These are the summarized observations of those who have studied this problem, treated and analyzed patients with such disorders.

In all cases there is clear evidence that the patients were rejected by their mother at an early age, which they perceived as an existential threat. The rejection was accompanied by hidden and often open hostility on her part.

Rejection and hostility developed in the patient the fear that any attempts at contact, demands or self-assertion would lead to his own destruction.

From childhood comes a lack of any strong positive feelings of security or joy, frequent nightmares.

Typical of such patients is both detached and unemotional behavior with occasional outbursts of rage, which is called autistic.

If either parent repeatedly intervened in the child's life during the oedipal period (for example, for sexual reasons), which is very common, then a paranoid element was added to the main symptom. This made some activity possible in late childhood or adulthood.

In all this, the child has no choice but to separate himself from reality (the intense life of the imagination) and from his body (the abstract mind) in order to survive. Due to the fact that his main feelings were horror and mortal rage, the child fenced himself off from all feelings through self-defense.

Dance manner:

· The fugitive does not like dancing. If he dances, his movements are minimal and inexpressive; he does not want to be noticed. It seems to say: “Don’t look at me for too long.”

Car selection:

· The fugitive loves unobtrusive cars of a dull color.

Sitting posture:

· The fugitive shrinks, trying to take up as little space as possible in the chair. He loves to tuck his legs under himself: when he is not connected to the ground, it is easier to escape.

Fears:

· The fugitive's greatest fear is panic. He cannot properly realize this because he hides, disappears as soon as he begins to panic, or even before it begins. Those around you see panic without difficulty - it is almost always your eyes that give it away.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of being rejected is experienced with a same-sex parent. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by people of the same sex as himself. He blames them for rejecting him and feels more anger towards them than towards himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left him.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury rejected you are close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space, if you begin to assert yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not there, it does not unsettle you. Situations in which you are afraid to panic occur less and less often.

2. Trauma of the abandoned - mask of the dependent - oral type

Characteristics of abandonment trauma:

Awakening Trauma: Between one and three years, with a parent of the opposite sex. Lack of emotional nutrition or a certain type of nutrition.

Mask: Dependent.

Body: Elongated, thin, lacking tone, sagging; the legs are weak, the back is curved, the arms seem excessively long and hang along the body, certain parts of the body look flabby and sagging.

Eyes: Big, sad. Attractive look.

Dictionary: “absent”, “alone”, “can’t stand”, “eat”, “don’t leave”.

Character: Victim. Tends to merge with someone or something. Needs presence, attention, support, reinforcement. Experiences difficulty when having to do or decide something alone.

Seeks advice, but does not always follow it. Child's voice. Takes refusals painfully. Sadness. Cries easily. Causes pity. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad. Physically clings to others. Nervous. Pop star. Strives for independence. Loves sex.

Most afraid: Loneliness.

Nutrition: A good appetite. Bulimia. Loves soft food. Eats slowly.

Typical diseases: Back pain, asthma, bronchitis, migraines, hypoglycemia, agoraphobia, diabetes, adrenal diseases, myopia, hysteria, depression, rare diseases (requiring long-term attention), incurable diseases.

Diseases of the abandoned:

Asthma- a disease characterized by difficult, painful breathing. Metaphysically, this disease indicates that a person takes more than he should and gives with great difficulty.

Problems with bronchi are also very likely, since the bronchi are metaphysically connected with the family. If an addict suffers from bronchial diseases, then this indicates his family dissatisfaction: it seems to him that he receives too little from his family, that he is too dependent on it. He would like to believe that he has a strong place in the family, and not fuss around trying to get this place.

Under the influence of his fusional subpersonality, the addict attracts problems to himself pancreas(hypoglycemia and diabetes) and adrenal glands. His entire digestive system is unstable because he considers his nutrition to be inadequate, even if physically it is quite normal. Even though the deficiency is only emotional, his physical body receives messages about the lack of food and reacts accordingly - reflecting the mental state.

Myopia It is also very common among addicts. It represents an inability to see far, and this is associated with fear of the future and, especially, with a reluctance to face the future alone.

An addict who cherishes his sacrificial subpersonality too much can lead himself to hysteria. Psychologists say that a hysterical personality is like a child who is afraid that his pacifier will be taken away and he will be left alone. Therefore, such a person tends to noisily demonstrate his emotions.

Many addicts develop depression, when their trauma causes them great suffering and they feel helpless, they do not receive the love they so crave. This is also a way to attract attention.

The addict suffers migraines, because it prevents oneself from being oneself, blocks one’s “I am.” He fusses too much, resorts to all sorts of tricks just to be what others want him to be, or almost completely lives in the shadow of the people who love him.

I also noticed that addicts very often attract rare diseases requiring special attention, or so-called incurable diseases. Let me remind you that when medicine declares a certain disease incurable, then, in fact, it reports that science more I have not found reliable remedies against this disease.

The illnesses and ailments listed above can also occur in people with other types of trauma, but they are most common in those who experience abandonment trauma.

Oral structure.

Description

We describe a personality as having an oral character structure if it has many of the characteristics typical of the oral period of life, that is, infancy. These characteristic features are a weak sense of independence, a desire to hold on to others, decreased aggressiveness and an internal sense of need for support, help and care. They signify a lack of implementation in infancy and represent the degree of fixation at this level of development. For some people they are masked by consciously adopted compensating attitudes. Some individuals with this structure exhibit exaggerated independence, which, however, is unable to withstand stress. The main experience of the oral character is deprivation, while the corresponding experience of the schizoid structure was rejection.

Bioenergy conditions

“Oral character” is characterized by low energy levels. The energy is “not frozen” in the center, as in the case of a “schizoid character,” and flows to the periphery of the body, but its flow is weakened.

The reasons for this are not entirely clear. Linear growth is prioritized, resulting in a long, thin body. The only possible explanation is that delays in maturation allow long bones to grow excessively. Another factor may be the inability of underdeveloped muscles to keep bone growth under control.

Lack of energy and strength is most noticeable in the lower part of the body, because the development of a child's body begins from the head down.

The charge level of points of contact with the outside world has been reduced. The eyes are weak with a tendency towards myopia, the level of genital arousal is reduced.

This bioenergetic state is shown in the diagram.

physical characteristics

The body is usually long and thin, consistent with the Sheldon ectomorphic type. It differs from the body of a schizoid personality in that it is not very tense.

The muscles are underdeveloped, not sinewy. This developmental deficiency is most noticeable in the arms and legs. Long, poorly developed legs are a typical feature of this structure. The feet are also thin and narrow. The legs don't seem to be able to support the body. The knees are usually brought together to provide additional stability support.

The body may fall sharply due to partial weakness of the muscular system. General physical signs of immaturity are common. The pelvis may be smaller than normal in both men and women. There is often little hair on the body. In some women, the growth process is completely delayed, and their bodies resemble those of children.

Breathing in people with an oral character is superficial, which is explained by the low energy level of their personality. Deprivation at the oral level reduces the strength of the sucking impulse. Good breathing depends on the ability to take in air.

Psychological relationships

People with oral personalities have difficulty standing on their own two feet, literally and figuratively. They tend to lean on or hold on to others. But, as I noted earlier, this flaw can be hidden by an exaggerated posture of independence. Collectivism is also a reflection of the inability to be alone. There is an increased need for contact with other people, for their warmth and support.

An individual with an oral character suffers from an inner feeling of emptiness. He constantly wants to fill this void at the expense of others, although he can act as if he is providing support for himself. Inner emptiness reflects the suppression of an intense feeling of longing for something that, if expressed, would lead to deep crying and breathing more freely.

Due to low energy levels, an oral personality is prone to mood swings from depression to elation. Proneness to depression is pathognomonic of oral personality traits.

Another typically oral trait is the “they owe me this” attitude. This can be expressed in the idea that society is obliged to provide him with a means of livelihood. This belief arises directly from early experiences of deprivation.

Etiological and historical factors

Early deprivation may be due to the actual loss of the mother's warmth and support due to her death or illness, or her absence due to the need to work. A mother who herself suffers from depression should not be allowed to see her child.

Precocious development, the ability to speak or walk earlier than usual, is often detected. I explain this development as an attempt to overcome feelings of abandonment by becoming independent.

There are also often other experiences of disappointment in early life when the child tried to reach out to his father or siblings for contact, warmth and support. Such disappointments can leave a person feeling bitter.

Depressive episodes occur in late childhood and early adolescence. However, children with the oral type do not exhibit autistic behavior, unlike children with the schizoid type. We must admit that schizoid elements can be in the oral structure, just as oral elements can be in the schizoid.

Dance manner:

· The addict prefers contact dances, in which there is an opportunity to cuddle up to a partner. Sometimes it seems that he is hanging on his partner. His whole being radiates: “Look how my partner loves me.”

Car selection:

· The addict prefers cars that are comfortable and not like everyone else’s.

Sitting posture:

· The addict crawls in the chair or leans on a support - on the armrest or on the back of the adjacent chair. The upper part of the body is tilted forward.

Fears:

· The addict's biggest fear is loneliness.. He doesn't see this because he always arranges himself to be in someone else's company. If he still finds himself alone, then, of course, he admits that he is alone; but at the same time he does not notice how feverishly he is looking for something to do, something to fill his time. there is no physical partner, the telephone and TV replace his company. It is much easier for his loved ones to notice and feel this great fear of loneliness even when surrounded by people. His sad eyes also give him away.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of abandonment is experienced with a parent of the opposite sex. That is, the addict tends to believe that he has been abandoned by people of the opposite sex, and blames them more than himself. If he experiences the experience of abandonment with a person of the same sex, he blames himself, because he believes that he did not show enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that a given person of his sex has abandoned him, but in fact it has rejected him.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury abandoned you are close to healing if you feel good even when alone and if you need less attention from others. Life doesn't seem so dramatic anymore. You increasingly have a desire to start various projects, and even if others do not help you, you are able to continue the business yourself.

3. Trauma of the humiliated - mask of a masochist - masochistic type

Characteristics of the trauma of the humiliated:

Awakening Trauma: from one to three years, with a parent who is involved in the child's physical development (usually the mother). Lack of freedom. Feeling humiliated by this parent's control.

Mask: Masochist.

Body: Thick, round, short stature, thick dense neck, tension in the throat, neck, jaw and pelvis. The face is round and open.

Dictionary: “worthy”, “undignified”, “small”, “fat”.

Character: Often feels ashamed of himself or others or is afraid of causing shame. Doesn't like fast walking. Knows his needs, but does not listen to them. He puts a lot on his shoulders. Uses control to avoid shame.

Considers himself unkempt, heartless, a pig, worse than others. Tends to merge. He arranges himself so as not to be free, since “to be free” for him means “to be unrestrained.” Sometimes he is unrestrained, then he is afraid to cross the line of what is permitted.

Loves the role of mother. Overly sensitive. Punishes himself, believing that he is punishing someone else. Strives, wants to be worthy. Often feels disgusted. Increased sensuality is combined with shame in sexual behavior. Doesn't take into account his sexual needs. It plays out in food.

Most afraid: Freedom.

Nutrition: Loves rich, fatty foods, chocolate. He is gluttonous or, conversely, eats in small portions. She is ashamed to buy and eat “treats” for herself.

Typical diseases: Pain in the back, shoulders, throat, tonsillitis, laryngitis, diseases of the respiratory tract, legs, feet, varicose veins, sprains, fractures, dysfunction of the liver, thyroid gland, itching, hypoglycemia, diabetes, heart disease.

Diseases of the Humiliated:

Very often there is pain in back and a feeling of heaviness shoulders, because the masochist takes on too much. The back pain is mainly due to his feeling of lack of freedom. Pain in the lower back is usually associated with material problems, in the upper back - with the emotional sphere.

He may get sick respiratory tract when he is suffocated by other people's problems.

Troubles often happen with kicks And feet — varicose veins,sprains,fractures, When he is afraid that he will not be able to move, he brings upon himself physical troubles that actually prevent him from moving.

Work is often disrupted liver, because he is overly concerned with other people's problems.

Pain in throat, sore throat And laryngitis- inevitable companions of a masochist, because he constantly restrains himself when he wants to say something, and especially when he wants to ask.

The more difficult it is for him to realize his needs and express his demands, the higher his likelihood of illness thyroid gland.

In addition, the inability to hear one’s own needs often provokes scabies, itchy skin. It is known that the expression “I’m so itching...” means “I really want to...”, but the masochist suppresses his desire - he is ashamed to desire his own pleasure.

Another physical problem that I often see in people of the masochistic type is poor pancreas function and, as a result, hypoglycemia And diabetes. These diseases manifest themselves in people who hardly allow themselves sweets and pleasures, and if they do, they are tormented by a feeling of guilt and humiliation.

The masochist is predisposed to heart diseases because he doesn't love himself enough. He does not consider himself such a significant being to give himself pleasure. A person’s heart sphere is directly related to his ability to receive pleasure and enjoy life.

Finally, firmly convinced of the inevitability of suffering, the masochist quite often dooms himself to surgical intervention.

Structure of a masochistic character.

Description

Masochism in public opinion is equated with the desire to suffer. I don't think this is true for an individual with this character structure. He suffers, but since he himself is not able to change the situation, the conclusion suggests itself that he wants to remain in it. I'm not talking about people with masochistic perversions, people who seek to receive blows from their sexual partners. The masochistic character structure describes a person who suffers and whines or complains but remains submissive. Submission is the main masochistic trait.

If an individual with a masochistic character demonstrates a subordinate position in external behavior, then he is completely different inside. On a deep emotional level, he has strong feelings of anger, denial, hostility and superiority. However, they

are blocked by fear and can break out through inappropriate behavior. The person resists the fear of breakthrough through muscular patterns of inhibition. Thick strong muscles restrain any direct manifestation and allow only whimpers and complaints to pass through.

Bioenergy conditions

Unlike the oral structure, the masochistic structure is energetically fully charged. However, the charge is fixed inside, although not “frozen.”

Due to strong inhibition, the peripheral organs are weakly charged, resulting in no discharge or release of energy, and expressive actions are limited.

The restraint is so strong that it leads to compression and a sharp decline in the body's strength. Weakness is observed in the waist area as the body bends under the weight of its tension.

Impulses moving up and down are dampened in the neck and waist, which explains this person's strong tendency to experience anxiety.

Extension of the body, in the sense of lengthening or stretching itself, is greatly reduced. The decrease in elongation causes the structure described above to shorten.

physical characteristics

For the masochistic structure, people with short, fat, muscular bodies are typical.

For unknown reasons, body hair growth usually increases.

A characteristic feature is a short, thick neck showing a retracted head. The waist is correspondingly shorter and thicker.

Another important characteristic is the tuck of the pelvis forward, which can be described more literally as a tucked and flat butt. This pose resembles a dog with its tail between its legs.

This position of the pelvis, along with tension pressure from above, causes bending or sharp weakening of the body at the waist.

In some women, you can see a combination of rigidity in the upper half of the body and masochism in the lower half, expressed by heavy buttocks and hips, a tightened pelvic floor.

All people with a masochistic character have dark skin due to stagnation of energy.

Psychological relationships

Due to powerful inhibition, aggression in such individuals is significantly reduced. Self-affirmation is similarly limited. Instead, there is whining and complaining. Whining is the only sound expression that easily passes through a constricted throat. Instead of aggression, provocative behavior is observed, which causes a strong reaction from the other person, strong enough to enable the masochist to react hot-tempered and unrestrained.

Stagnation of energy due to strong inhibition leads to a feeling of “getting stuck in a swamp”, the inability to move freely.

The position of submission and obsequiousness is characteristic of masochistic behavior. On a conscious level, the masochist identifies with the attempt to please; however, on a subconscious level, this position is rejected by bitterness, negativity and hostility. These repressed feelings must be released before the masochist can react freely to life situations.

Etiological and historical factors

The masochistic structure develops in a family where love and acceptance are combined with strong pressure. The mother is dominant and sacrificing; the father is passive and submissive.

The dominant, self-sacrificing mother literally suffocates the child, who is made to feel intense guilt for any attempt to declare her independence or assert a negative attitude.

A strong focus on eating and bowel movements is typical. This is equivalent to pressure from above and below. “Be a good boy. Please your mom. Eat all the food... Empty your bowels regularly. Let mom see...” and so on.

All attempts to resist, including temporary outbursts of irritation, were suppressed. All people with a masochistic structure in childhood had temporary outbursts of irritation that forced them to stop.

The common experiences were feelings of being trapped, which produced only a reaction of bitterness, ending in self-deprecation. The child saw no way out.

As a child, the patient struggled with deep feelings of humiliation when he tried to "let it out" in the form of vomiting, soiling, or disobedience.

The masochist is afraid to stretch out an arm or a leg or stretch out his neck (the same for the genitals) for fear that they will be cut off or he will be torn from them. There is strong castration anxiety in this character. Most powerful is the fear of being cut off from the parental relationship, which provided love, but under certain conditions. We'll look at the implications of this in more detail in the next section.

Dance manner:

· A masochist always dances willingly and a lot, taking the opportunity to express his sensuality. He dances for the pure pleasure of dancing. His whole appearance says: “Look how sensual I can be.”

Car selection:

· A masochist chooses a small, cramped car that he can barely fit in.

Sitting posture:

· The masochist sits with his legs spread. In most cases, he chooses a place that is not suitable for him, and therefore feels uncomfortable.

Fears:

· The masochist's greatest fear is freedom.. He does not consider and does not feel free due to the many restrictions and obligations that he himself came up with. On the other hand, he seems completely free to those around him, because he usually finds the means and time to do what he decides to do. He doesn't look at others when making a decision. Even if what he decides constrains him, in the eyes of other people he has complete freedom to change his mind if he just wants to. His eyes are wide open to the world, showing great interest in everything and a desire to experience as many different experiences as possible.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of humiliation is usually experienced with the mother, regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist is inclined to experience humiliation from females. He usually blames them. If he experiences the trauma of humiliation with a male person, he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude towards this person. He can also experience this trauma with his father, if he is engaged in his physical education, teaches the child to maintain cleanliness, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then you just have to apply what has been said to the male or female version.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury humiliated You are close to healing if you give yourself time to think about whether it meets your needs before you say “yes” to someone. You have less to put on your shoulders and feel more free. You stop creating limitations for yourself. You are able to make requests and demands without feeling annoying or unnecessary.

4. Trauma of betrayal - mask of control - psychopathic type

Characteristics of Betrayal Trauma:

Awakening Trauma: Between two and four years of age, with a parent of the opposite sex. Collapse of trust or unfulfilled expectations in the love and sexual sphere. Manipulation.

Mask: Controlling.

Body: Radiates strength and power. A man's shoulders are wider than his hips. A woman's hips are wider and stronger than her shoulders. Chest wheel. Belly too.

Eyes: Intense, seductive gaze. Eyes that see everything at first sight.

Dictionary: “separate”, “do you understand?”, “I can”, “I can handle it myself”, “I knew it”, “trust me”, “I don’t trust him”.

Character: Considers himself very responsible and strong. Strives to be special and important. Does not keep his promises and obligations or makes efforts to keep them. Lies easily.

Manipulator. Seducer. Has a lot of expectations. The mood is uneven. He is convinced that he is right and strives to convince others. Impatient. Intolerant.

Understands and acts quickly. A good performer because he wants to be recognized. Circus performer. Hard to trust. Doesn't show his vulnerability. Skeptic. Afraid of breaking or withdrawing from an obligation.

Most afraid: Disconnections; divorce; renunciation.

Nutrition: A good appetite. Eats quickly. Adds salt and spices. He may not eat for a long time while he is busy, but then loses control over eating.

Typical diseases: Diseases of control and loss of control, agoraphobia, spasmophilia, disorders of the digestive system, diseases whose names end in -itis, oral herpes.

Diseases of betrayal:

Agoraphobia due to his fusional subpersonality, like that of an addict. On the other hand, the agoraphobia experienced by the controller is marked primarily by the fear of insanity, while the agoraphobia associated with the dependent mask is motivated more by the fear of death. I want to emphasize here that doctors often confuse agoraphobia with spasmophilia (agoraphobia is defined in Chapter 3).

The controller especially attracts to himself diseases of control, management - all kinds of dysfunctions joints throughout the body, and most often knee.

He is most prone to diseases involving loss of control in certain organs of the body - bleeding, impotence, diarrhea and etc.

When he feels completely helpless in some situation, he can break down paralysis.

He often has problems related to digestive system, especially with liver And stomach.

He is also prone to diseases whose names end with -it. Here I refer you to my book “Your Body Says: Love Yourself!”, which details how these diseases are especially common in individuals who, under the influence of their many expectations, are prone to impatience, anger and disappointment.

The controller often has oral herpes— it arises when, consciously or unconsciously, the controller considers members of the opposite sex to be “nauseating types.” It is also a good form of control to avoid kissing others.

Structure of psychopathic character.

Description

This character structure requires some introduction. This is the only character type that has not been described or analyzed in my previous works. It can be a very complex structure, but for the sake of brevity and clarity I will describe a simple form of this disorder.

The essence of the psychopathic position is the denial of feelings. It differs from schizoid, which is disconnected from feelings. In a psychopathic personality, the ego, or mind, turns against the body and its feelings, especially sexual ones. This is why the term “psychopathy” originated.

The normal function of the ego is to support the body's desire for pleasure, not to destroy it in favor of the ego's mental image. In all psychopathic characters there is a great investment of energy in the mental image of the person. Another aspect of this personality is the desire for power and the need to dominate and control.

The reason this character type is difficult is because there are two ways to gain power over others. One is bullying or overpowering another; in this case, if a person does not challenge the bully, then he begins to feel like a victim. The second way is to influence a person through a seductive approach, which is very effective against naive people who fall under psychopathic power.

Bioenergy conditions

There are two body types that correspond to two psychopathic structures. The suppressive type is more easily explained bioenergetically, and I use it for illustration. Gaining power over other people is achieved by rising above them.

In this model, there is a noticeable shift of energy towards the head end of the body with a concomitant decrease in charge in the lower part of the body. The two halves of the body are noticeably disproportionate, with the upper half being significantly larger and more dominant in appearance.

A wary or distrustful look. Such a person does not strive to get closer to others and does not understand them. This is a characteristic feature of a psychopathic personality. For most, there is a certain tightening around the diaphragm and waist that blocks the downward flow of energy and feeling.

The head is energetically overloaded. This means that there is an overstimulation of the mental apparatus, leading to constant thinking about how to gain control and dominance over the situation.

The need for control is also directed against oneself. The head is held very tightly (you should never lose your head), but it, in turn, holds the body tightly in its power.

The energy relationships are shown in the diagram.

physical characteristics

The body of the suppressive type shows disproportionate development in its upper part. This gives the impression of a puffed-up person and matches his inflated ego image. We can say that this structure is overweight at the top.

She's also tough. The lower part of the body can no longer show the weakness typical of the oral character structure.

The second type of body, which I called seductive or destructive, is more regular and does not have a puffy appearance. The back is usually too flexible.

In both cases, there is a disruption in the flow of energy between the two halves of the body. In the first type, the pelvis is weakly charged and held rigidly; in the second, it is too charged, but isolated. Both types have obvious compression of the diaphragm.

There is also noticeable tension in the ocular segment of the body, which includes the eyes and occipital region.

Also, strong muscle tension can be felt in the cervical region along the base of the skull, in the so-called oral segment. This tension is associated with the suppression of the incipient impulse.

Psychological relationships

A psychopathic personality needs to control someone, and although it may seem that she controls the person, she herself also depends on him. Thus, there is a degree of orality in all psychopathic personalities. They are described in the psychiatric literature as having oral fixation.

The need to control is closely related to the fear of being controlled. To be controlled means to be used. We will see that in the past, individuals with this character structure have had struggles for dominance and control between parent and child.

The desire to be on top, to achieve a goal is so strong that a person cannot admit or allow defeat. Defeat puts him in the position of a victim; ergo, he must be a winner in any situation.

Sexuality is also always used in this power play. He (man) is seductive in his apparent power or in his soft secret temptation. Pleasure in sex is secondary to achievement or conquest.

Denial of feelings is usually denial of needs. The psychopathic maneuver of such a person is to make other people need him so that he does not have to express his needs. Thus he is always at the center of the world.

Etiological and historical factors

In all character types, a person's past explains his behavior. I could make a general statement that no man can understand his behavior unless he knows his past.

Thus, one of the main tasks of any therapy is to explain the patient's life experience. In the case of this personality, this often seems quite difficult because the psychopathic tendency to deny feelings includes the denial of experience. Despite this, much has been studied in bioenergy regarding the occurrence of this problem.

The most important factor in the etiology of this condition is a sexually seductive, deceptive parent. The temptation is covered up and exists in order to satisfy the narcissistic needs of the parent. It aims to bond the child with the parent.

The seductive parent is always the rejecting parent, rejecting the child's needs for support and physical contact. The lack of necessary contact and support explains the oral element in this character structure.

Seductive relationships create a triangle that places the child in the position of challenging the same-sex parent. This creates a barrier to the necessary identification with the same-sex parent and subsequent identification with the seductive parent.

In this situation, any achievement of contact makes the child extremely vulnerable. The child will either rise above the needs (upward shift) or will satisfy his needs by manipulating his parents (seductive type).

There is also a masochistic element in the psychopathic personality, which arises from submission to the seductive parent. The child cannot rebel or leave this situation; he has only internal protection. Submission lies only on the surface; nevertheless, to the extent that the child obeys openly, he acquires some intimacy with the parent.

Masochistic elements are strongest in the enticing or seductive version of this character structure. The initial surrender must evolve into a masochistic submissive role. Then, when the seduction has worked and the other person's attachment is strong, a sadistic quality arises.

· The controller has a loud, booming voice.

Dance manner:

· The controller needs a lot of space. He loves to dance and uses it to seduce. But above all, this is an opportunity for him to show himself. The call comes from him: “Look at me.”

Car selection:

· The controller buys a powerful, visible car.

Sitting posture:

· The controller sits with his entire body leaning back and his arms crossed as he listens. Having taken the floor, he leans forward to look more convincing in the eyes of his interlocutor.

Fears:

· The controller's greatest fear is separation and renunciation.. He does not notice how intensely he himself creates problems and conflict situations, as a result of which he excludes further communication with individuals. By creating and attracting situations to himself in which he renounces someone every time, he at the same time does not see that he is afraid of these situations. Rather, on the contrary, he assures himself that these breaks and renunciations are beneficial for him. He thinks that in this way he does not allow himself to be fooled or used. His sociability and willingness to meet new people prevent him from realizing how many people he has cut out of his life. Others see it much better. And his eyes give him away too. When he gets angry, they become tough and even instill fear, which can alienate many from him.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of betrayal is experienced with a parent of the opposite sex. That is, the controller usually believes that he has been betrayed by people of the opposite sex, and tends to blame them for his suffering or emotions. If he experiences the trauma of betrayal with a person of the same sex, he blames himself mainly and is angry with himself for failing to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner. It is very likely that what he perceives as betrayal by people of his own sex is in fact an experience that activated his trauma of injustice.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury betrayal you are close to healing if you no longer experience such violent emotions when someone or something upsets your plans. You loosen your grip more easily. Let me remind you: loosening your grip means weakening your attachment to the result, getting rid of the desire for everything to go only according to your plan. You no longer try to be the center of attraction. When you are proud of the work you have done, you feel good even when others do not notice or recognize your achievements.

5. Trauma of injustice - mask of the rigid - rigid type

Characteristics of Injustice Trauma:

Awakening Trauma: Between the ages of four and six, with a same-sex parent. Duty to be dutiful and perfect. Blocking individuality.

Mask: Rigid.

Body: Direct, tough and, to the extent possible, perfect. Good proportions. Rounded buttocks. Short stature, tight clothes or tight waistband. Restricted movements. The skin is light. Clenched jaws. The neck is tense and straight. The posture is proud.

Eyes: The look is radiant, lively. The eyes are light.

Dictionary: “no problem”, “always, never”, “very good, very kind”, “very specific”, “exactly”, “quite fair”, “of course”, “do you agree?”

Character: Strives for excellence. Envious. Detached from his own feelings. Often crosses his arms. Productive - to be perfect. Overly optimistic. Alive, dynamic. Often justified. Very reluctant to ask for help.

Laughing over trifles - to hide your sensitivity. The tone of voice is dry and tense. Doesn't admit that he has problems. Doubts the correctness of his choice. Compares himself according to the principle “who is better - who is worse.”

Has difficulty accepting anything: he considers it unfair to receive less than others, but even more unfair to receive more.

He very rarely allows himself pleasure, as he usually feels guilty about it. He does not take into account his limitations, he is too demanding of himself. Controls himself. Loves order. Rarely gets sick, is indifferent or ruthless towards his body. Choleric. Cold, does not know how to show his feelings. Likes to look sexy.

Most afraid: Coldness.

Nutrition: Prefers salty dishes to sweet ones. Loves everything crispy. Controls himself so as not to gain weight. Feels ashamed and makes excuses when he loses control over food.

Typical diseases: Nervous exhaustion (occupational), frigidity (women), premature ejaculation or impotence (men). Diseases ending in -it- tendinitis, bursitis, arthritis, etc.

Torticollis, constipation, hemorrhoids, spasms and convulsions, poor circulation, impaired liver function. Varicose veins, skin diseases, nervousness, insomnia, poor vision.

Diseases of injustice:

He feels the rigidity of his body as inflexibility or tension at the top backs, V neck, as well as in flexible areas (ankles, knees, hips, elbows, wrists, etc.). Rigid people like to crunch their fingers, thus trying to improve their flexibility. In a word, they are able to feel the shell with which their body is bound, but they do not feel what is hidden under this shell.

Already mentioned nervous exhaustion.

Diseases whose names have an ending -it: tendinitis, bursitis, arthritis. Any disease with a similar name indicates a very common condition among rigid people - suppressed internal anger hidden in the body.

Rigid may suffer pain or curvature of the neck due to the fact that it is difficult for him to see the wrong, unfair, in his opinion, side of things or events.

Very often observed constipation And hemorrhoids- because it is difficult for him to relax, to stop restraining himself in everything.

Characteristic of rigid spasms And convulsions- reactions of a person who tends to cling or hold back due to fear.

The inability to give yourself pleasure provokes problems blood circulation And varicose veins.

Problems are common dry skin.

Pimples on the face indicate the fear of making a mistake, losing face, not being up to one’s own expectations.

Rigid people often suffer psoriasis. They bring this disease on themselves so as not to be too good or too happy - this would be an injustice to others. It is curious that outbreaks of psoriasis often coincide with holidays, vacations, or a period when everything is going well and happily.

Disorders are common liver due to suppressed anger.

Common occurrence - nervousness rigid., although for the most part they control it well, so that outwardly it is invisible.

Quite often observed insomnia, especially among those rigid ones who do not know how to calm down until they do their job in a timely and flawless manner. They think so hard about what they have to do that it wakes them up and can't go back to sleep.

Violations vision arise because it is very difficult for a rigid person to see that he made a bad decision or misjudged the situation. He chooses not to see what he considers imperfect; in this case he does not suffer so much. He often uses the expression “It’s unclear” - which also does not help improve his vision.

Rigid structure.

Description

The concept of rigidity comes from the tendency of these individuals to hold themselves rigidly—with pride. The head is held quite high, the spine is straight. This would be a positive feature if it were not for the fact that this pride is protective and the inflexibility is unyielding. A rigid character is afraid to give in, equating this with submission or falling. Rigidity becomes a defense against the underlying masochistic drive.

A person with a rigid character is wary of being deceived, used or trapped. His caution takes the form of restraining impulses from unfolding and spreading. Restraint also means to hold your back, hence rigidity. The ability to restrain is based on a strong ego position with a high degree of control over behavior. Moreover, this is supported by an equally strong position regarding the genitals, thus focusing the personality's attention on both ends of the body, establishing good contact with reality. Unfortunately, the emphasis on reality is used as a defense against the pursuit of pleasure, and this is the main conflict in the personality.

Bioenergy conditions

In this structure, there is a fairly strong charge at all peripheral points of contact with the environment, which favors the opportunity to check reality before taking action.

Containment is peripheral, allowing feelings to flow but limiting their expression.

The main areas of tension are the long muscles of the body. Tightness in the flexor and extensor muscles combine to cause rigidity.

Naturally, there are different degrees of rigidity. When inhibition is moderate, the person is animated and vibrant.

The bioenergetic state is shown in the diagram.

physical characteristics

The body of a person with a rigid character is proportional and harmonious. It looks and feels whole and connected. Despite this, some elements of irregularities and distortions described above for other types can be seen.

An important characteristic is the liveliness of the body: clear eyes, good skin color, liveliness of gestures and movements.

If the rigidity is severe, then the positive factors mentioned above are correspondingly worsened: coordination and grace in movements are reduced, the eyes lose some shine, and the skin tone may be pale or grayish.

Psychological relationships

People with this character structure are usually worldly oriented, ambitious, competitive and energetic. Passivity is experienced as vulnerability.

A person with a rigid character may be stubborn, but rarely angry. Part of his stubbornness comes from his pride: he is afraid that if he does not insist on his own, he will look stupid, and therefore is reserved. Partly it arises from the fear of submission, that is, of losing freedom.

The term "rigid character" has been adopted in bioenergetics to describe the most common factors in several differently labeled personalities. Thus it includes the phallic, narcissistic man, whose focus is on potency, and the Victorian type of hysterical woman, whose character Reich described in Character Analysis, and who uses sex as a defense against sexuality. Old-fashioned obligatory character also belongs to this broad category.

The rigidity of this character is like steel. Rigidity is also seen in the schizoid structure where, due to its frozen state, its energy system is ice-like and very fragile. Generally, people with a rigid character cope effectively with their lives.

Etiological and historical factors

What is interesting about the background behind this structure is that a person with this character has not experienced severe traumas that create more serious defensive positions.

The most significant trauma here is the experience of disappointment in the desire to achieve erotic satisfaction, mainly at the genital level. This occurs when child masturbation is prohibited, as well as in relationships with a parent of the opposite sex.

Rejection of the child's desire for erotic and sexual pleasure was seen by the child as a betrayal of his desire for love. Erotic pleasure, sexuality and love are synonymous in the mind of a child.

Due to strong ego development, a person with a rigid character does not give up this awareness. As the diagram shows, his heart is not cut off from the periphery. He or she is a being who acts with the heart, but with the limitation and control of the ego. The desired state would be to give up this control and trust the heart.

Since the open expression of love as a desire for physical intimacy and erotic pleasure is faced with rejection by parents, a person with a rigid character moves through circuitous paths in custody to achieve his goal. He does not manipulate like a psychopathic character, but maneuvers to achieve intimacy.

The significance of his pride lies in the fact that he is attached to this feeling of love. Rejection of his sexual love hurts his sense of dignity. Likewise, insulting one's self-esteem is tantamount to rejecting his love.

I have one final note. I have not discussed treatments for these problems because therapists do not treat character types, but people. Therapy focuses on people in their immediate relationships: to their body, to the ground on which they stand, to the people with whom they interact, and to the therapist. This is the basis of the therapeutic approach. However, in the background there is knowledge of character, without which the therapist will not be able to understand the patient and his problems. An experienced doctor can easily move from one area to another without losing sight of them.

· Rigid speech is somewhat mechanical and restrained.

Dance manner:

· Rigid dances very well, feels the rhythm, despite some stiffness and inflexibility of the legs. He is very attentive and tries not to lose his rhythm. He attends dance courses more often than others. The most rigid ones stand out as serious, stand very straight and seem to be counting their dance steps. They seem to say with their appearance: “Look how well I dance.”

Car selection:

· Rigid prefers a classic, working, durable car - he wants to get full value for his money.

Sitting posture:

· Rigid sits completely straight. At the same time, he can move his legs and position his entire body strictly symmetrically, which further emphasizes his rigid posture. Sometimes he crosses his legs or arms when he doesn’t want to feel what’s happening.

Fears:

· Rigid people are most afraid of coldness. It is difficult for him to recognize coldness, because he considers himself a sincere, warm person who does everything to ensure that harmony and justice reign around him. As a rule, he is loyal to his friends. But those around him often notice his own coldness, not so much in his eyes, but in his dry, tough behavior, especially when he believes that he is being unfairly accused of something.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of injustice is experienced with a same-sex parent. That is, the rigid person suffers from injustice on the part of people of his own sex and accuses them of injustice towards him. If he experiences a situation that he considers unfair with a person of the opposite sex, then he blames not this person, but rather himself - for injustice or impropriety.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury injustice You are close to healing if you allow yourself to be less than perfect and make mistakes without getting angry or criticizing yourself. You can allow yourself to show your sensitivity, you can cry in front of others without fear of their judgment and without being ashamed of a temporary loss of control.